“Legs,” “Sexy,” “Tits,” and Everything Else but My Name

I am talking about street harassers, something that I am sure has affected many others as well. I live in New York City, and perhaps it is more prevalent in “urban” areas, but there is not one day that goes by without a man whistling, honking, calling me by a body part, or whispering – literally IN MY EAR – disrespectful and demeaning comments. This all goes back to rape culture and how sexual violence is condoned and normalized in our society. Through the media, social “norms,” and common attitudes, such actions get excused. “Oh, but it’s a compliment – he thinks you are beautiful!” Riiight . So my whole day should turn around because some random man decided to tell me my tits look nice today. My bad, next time I’ll thank you.

This bothers me because I feel like I cannot freely walk down the street. Let me site a few examples from just this week….

Walking to class, a man whistled at me and then got mad that I did not respond to him. Am I a dog? Am I really supposed to turn around and greet you when you whistle at me? There is a difference between saying, “Hi how are you,” and politely smiling and whistling at a woman.

Another example: exiting the subway after work, I pass a little convenient store. The man in the store said, “What’s up Little Red Riding Hood?” alluding to my red coat. This bothers me because, even if he did not consciously intend to do so, this evokes the following: 1) it infantilizes me and perpetuates a fetish of little girls, 2) Little Red Riding Hood is a fictional character in a fantasy story, and 3) Little Red Riding Hood is a story about a girl who is lost in the woods and is preyed upon by the Big Bad Wolf. Walking down the streets I often feel like I have to hide from the “Big Bad Wolf” – or in my case, sexual harassers.

Yesterday leaving the gym I was in my shorts and a t-shirt walking back to my dorm, since it was a gorgeous day. A man on the street called out to me, “Legs!” I ignored him but he kept calling out to me, referring to me simply as “Legs.” Not even, “Hello, you have nice legs,” (although I would still feel that is disrespectful) rather I was objectified to one part of my body – apparently I am just a pair of legs. So I can’t even go for a jog without expecting to be objectified?

The argument I often receive when expressing how enraged this makes me is, “It’s a compliment and when you are old you will miss it.” This bothers me for two main reasons. 1) It is not a compliment. It is objectification. It is a man thinking it is his duty to approve of my body, as if that is some sort of social justification to my existence. A compliment would be, “Good morning, you look nice today.” Not, “Damn girl you be working out that booty.” and 2) Saying “you will miss it when you are old” is ageism! As a feminist I believe in embracing age and finding beauty within all women at every stage of life.

Sometimes, if it is on a safe street, I will call them out. One time I was walking down the street doing something on my cell phone. A man decided to shout out his phone number. I turned and gave him a look, as he repeated his number. I stopped and said, “Is that necessary? I really don’t think so,” and he replied, “Awe, baby, I’m just playing.” I said, “Yeah, well I’m not laughing,” and kept walking. Of course I got, “Common girl just smile,” because as a woman it is apparently my duty to look pleasant for the benefit of everyone on the street. Give me a break. (Disclaimer: I do not do this if I do not feel safe. Living in New York City, you realize there are a lot of crazy people in this world and you never know who is holding a knife or a gun or is just a complete psycho – you have to choose your battles wisely. However, when I do feel safe I call them out – they don’t expect it. “Oh my gosh, she can defend herself!” Most of the time they are completely taken aback and at loss of words.)

What is interesting is that this does not happen if I am with a man, specifically a white, heterosexual man. This is where race, gender, class etc overlap to reveal how complex this situation is. For example, my boyfriend lives in Brooklyn about 20 minutes away by train. When I go to visit, while walking from the train station to his house, I can expect to get honked at, whistled at, and/or called out to at least once. When I am with him it does not happen. To these street harassers, seeing a girl with a man indicates, “That is her protector. She is taken. If he is around we can look, but we can’t touch.” Now I do not view my boyfriend as my protector; I do not feel I need him to act as my anit-street harasser shield. However, I do feel safer when I am with him (or any heterosexual male), simply because I do not get harassed (as often or obviously) when I walk down the street. Can you blame me?

This enrages me because it makes me feel like I cannot walk down the street alone, as though I have no rights to use the streets if I am a woman unaccompanied by a man. This is my street as much as it is yours. I should be able to take the subway or go for a run or walk to the store without being an object on display for male viewing pleasure at all times. It is completely demeaning; and what is sad is that this has become a normal part of the NYC  culture (and American culture overall, as well). Ask any woman here and she will have a plethora of stories about it. So many people just excuse this behavior when it is just plainly just disgusting.

Some people call this overreacting. I call this sticking up for myself and my rights as a woman and a citizen. The thing is, this has become such a commonplace that is hard to regulate. Think about it from a logistical city legislative perspective, what could they possibly do that is logical and affective about this? See, it is more than legislation – it is an invasive part of our culture and cannot be legislated against if so many other aspects of society condones such behavior. There are so many institutions that need to be reconstructed in order to effectively dismantle rape culture.

We have hundreds of years of pervasive sexism (and every other -ism) to undo, but I believe that comprehensively educating people, especially young people, about these issues is one of the first steps we need to take.