You’re Intelligent

My uncle and aunt have two little girls, Ava is three and Viv is sixteen months, the little girls walk into our main room this holiday season all dolled up for the holidays. My grandmother and my other relatives keep oohing and ahhing, telling Ava how beautiful and pretty she is. Granted they are cute kiddos, but what three year-old is not a cutie?
My mother then comes to the rescue, she said, “No mom (refereeing to my grandmother), Ava you are intelligent.” (Shout out to my mother!) But here is the thing: Ava looked up confused, she asked what intelligent meant. She had never asked what beautiful or pretty meant because that’s what everyone else had told her. It saddens me that she had to ask what intelligent meant, that no one had ever told her how smart she was. (Shoot, this kiddo is a smart one too…) The kicker is that her parents are very progressive, very “pro-women,” very encouraging to me pursuing a high academic education. Yet, they have never told her own child just how smart she was. What can we as an society expect if we continue to ignore telling little girls how bright they are, and just focusing on their physical beauty. No wonder girls/women feel that their only value is based just on looks. Not only is this placing girls into a set role, it also places boys in to set roles as well. This is bullshit, and I am sick of it.
Ava should be told how smart she is every day, because she is very intelligent. I resent that she is never told just how bright she is, but this is not just my family, this is almost every family in the world. With the exception of babies, you never hear someone commenting on how beautiful a small boy is.  Its time for this to change. The next time you see a small girl, resist telling her or her mother how pretty is, instead ask if she can count, say her alphabet, speak a different language, or write a dissertation. Then compliment about how intelligent the child is, not only will this encourage children to demonstrate their intelligence but also it was also give you something to talk about with the child or mother. Make the change happen.