Unwanted Advice

I’d like to share a story with you, and at the end, I’d like your opinion on how you would have handled the situation, or how you handle similar situations. Here goes:

My boyfriend and I went down to Memphis to visit my sister and her husband for a week. One day we went to the zoo and had a wonderful time seeing all the neat animals and learning fun facts and such. I also learned that I might have CANCER.

While admiring the giraffes, my boyfriend whispered to me that a man was staring at me and talking to his wife. I disregarded this until I felt a hand on my shoulder, pointing to a small mole on the back of my exposed shoulder. "Has this mole always looked like this? Has it changed in shape or color? You may want to have it looked at."

Allow me to begin by saying that I am an introvert. I don’t mind large crowds, such as the one at the zoo, but I do value my personal space and don’t generally talk to strangers. Yes, i do have a slighty irregularly shaped mole on my shoulder, but I’ve had it biopsied in the past and my doctor checks it every year at my annual physical. My health is important to me, and I take pride in asking my doctor good questions and keeping up with my body’s well being. So for someone to suggest I have skin cancer by touching me and giving me medical advice in a public place was not only extremely embarassing, but insulting as well. Bear in mind this man did not identify himself in any way.

"I don’t have cancer!" was my reply, perhaps a bit more hysterical than necessary, but I was caught off guard and not expecting a diagnosis at the zoo. We moved on, but it wasn’t long afterward that a woman, his wife, came up to me to apologize. "He’s a surgeon, you see, he was just trying to help. But don’t worry, he’s sometimes wrong."

Great, so this guy, and his wife too apparently, feel I’m in denial. I’m glad she clarified that he was at least a medical professional, but I still fail to see how it is ethical to give unwanted medical advice to a person in a public place even if you think you’re doing the right thing. Imagine for a moment I didn’t know the mole existed, let alone that it could be malignant. I might begin to fear for my health which would spur me to seek medical attention and get it looked at and removed if necessary. Or, if I’m anything like the 47 million Americans without health coverage, I will probably still worry, but won’t do anything about it because I can’t afford to. This is my reasoning for why it could be unethical for doctors to dole out their opinions to random people.

After I had rebuffed both the surgeon and his wife, my sister and my boyfriend both looked at me shocked. They felt I had been unreasonably rude to them, that they were just trying to help and I should have been nicer. My defense was that it was equally, if not more rude for him to have come up to me in the first place. I’m not particularly self concious about this mole, (except on the THREE seperate occasions where my boyfriend’s aunt has mistook my mole for a fly on my and tried to brush it off) so it wasn’t that I was just embarrased he pointed it out, although that didn’t help the situation.

So I’d like to know what you think: Did I overreact? Was it okay for me to be upset? My gut is telling me yes, it was okay for me to let them know I was not pleased with their input. I would especially like to hear from any doctors, nurses, ethicists, etc. who might know how situations like this are supposed to be dealt with.

Thank you.