The Pill and I go Way Back

This letter was originally written May 29 to Elaine Tyler May who was writing a book about the development of the birth control pill. I figured I’d repost it since I have yet to contribute anything to the community here at Feministing. Enjoy!

My relationship with the birth control pill started when I was 18 and in high school. I had just started dating my first serious boyfriend and, seeing where the relationship was clearly headed, my mother took me to the doctor’s office to talk about contraception. The chart in my health class textbook said that the pill was 99.9% effective at preventing pregnancy* (*when taken correctly) and since I was in a monogamous relationship with a guy I knew was clean, I chose this method. Also, my best friend had been taking it for months already, and we dutifully popped our BB sized tablets at 10pm every night. I feel I should mention that, despite the high effectiveness of the pill, my scare-tactic health teacher combined with my extremely paranoid personality meant that I didn’t use the pill without some other form of contraception for close to a year. It took me a long time to trust in a pill that I could lose in the palm of my hand.

I am now 23 years old and the pill and I are still together, though my high school boyfriend and I are not. Sometimes it amazes me that I’ve been taking a drug every day for over five years. That’s 1,680 pills, 60 trips to the pharmacy, 20 phone calls to my doctor for refills, and– happily– no pregnancies. I would total up how much it has cost me, but the price has varied over the years, from $30 to free (my short time on MaineCare made me understand why some people never want to get off it). Have I ever thought about switching to a new method of contraception? Yes, I have. My current boyfriend and I have been together for five years this August. We’ve discussed this, but we keep coming to the same conclusion: We only need to prevent pregnancy, so we don’t want or need to use condoms, and neither of us are comfortable using anything else. ( I don’t trust diaphragms ever since I heard the story of how I was conceived. Hint: it involved my older sister in her teething months). So here I am, stuck in a relationship with a drug I neither like nor dislike. Sure, there are side effects, nausea used to be a biggie, but not so much lately. I’ve heard (though I’m not sure if it’s true) that the pill decreases sex drive, which is one of the main reasons I’d like to get off it someday; I’ve forgotten what it feels like to not be on it. How would my body take it? Would I have crazy irregular periods for a while, or would it settle back into it’s normal cycle, whatever that may be. Would I suffer horrible PMS symptoms, break out in acne, and lose 5 lbs from my bra? Who knows. I’m just not ready to ditch my pills yet.

A few weeks ago my boyfriend and I had a bit of a scare. I was up visiting him for the weekend and realized, after the fact, that I had forgotten my pill pack at home. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get it until Sunday night, so that meant going Friday, Saturday, and all day Sunday without taking my pills after having had unprotected sex. What should we do? he asked. Not to worry, I said, I’ll just use my recently gained right to purchase emergency contraception without a prescription. So we stopped at the Wal-Mart pharmacy foolishly thinking that they would have the least expensive EC around. When I asked for it, the woman behind the counter angrily asked for my ID. Oh yeah, I’d forgotten there was an age limit. Unfair, I thought, 17 year olds get into trouble too, and it’s not always convenient to go to the hospital for a written prescription and a lecture on safe sex. When I heard $50 I thought she was talking to someone else. I paid, simply because I felt I had no choice. Fifty bucks is a lot less expensive than a baby. I sincerely hope there are places women can get EC cheaper. Otherwise it’s not worth it to many people. It turned out that I didn’t need the EC because my boyfriend’s brother brought me my pill pack that night, so I stored it in case I ever need it again. It feels good to have a backup plan. This experience reminded me that just because I’ve been on the pill for so long, I still have to worry about getting pregnant. The asterisk in my high school health class textbook burned bright in my mind, *when taken correctly. Oh pills, I’ll never leave you again!

The development of the birth control pill was very important, and I am thankful to everyone who’s made it possible for me to have access to it. As happy as I am with my current situation, I still wish there were more non-hormonal contraception options for women. I don’t know anyone who uses a diaphragm, female condoms, or IUD’s. Mostly because the first is a total mood killer and, from somewhat personal experience, not very effective. No one talks about the second one, and you have to have already had a child to use the third. I suppose it’s a compromise; if you want to have sex, you have to deal with the consequences, including putting up with the minor inconvenience of taking a pill, getting a shot, or putting your fingers up your vagina further than you ever thought they could go. It could be worse, I could be Catholic.