“Well, you just feel like you’re being raped somehow. Raped…It feels like a kind of weird — just weird, man.” — Johnny Depp tells Vanity Fair how much he hates photoshoots.

Dear Johnny,

Big fan over here. Your incredible acting skills and magnetic sex appeal made me fall in love with every single one of your characters–even that lovable, dirty scoundrel Captain Jack Sparrow. So kudos to you!

But, no. Being photographed is not like being raped. At all. I have not been professionally photographed or raped before, but I feel pretty sure about this one. As a general rule, you should just steer clear of rape metaphors. Comparing things that are not rape–such as taxes ...