Jenny Block and Tristan Taormino

On Saturday I went to a reading by Tristan Taormino and Jenny Block, both talking about their recent books about non-monogamy. The event was hosted by Whole DC, a soon to be opening feminist sex shop and community center sex positive community center and boutique in Washington DC (so excited to have one in my town!).
It was great to see these two authors together, whose books really complement one another but provide very different perspectives. Jenny, in her book Open (read an excerpt here) shares her personal story of being in an open marriage with a man and how she came to that relationship style. Tristan, in her book Opening Up (Q&A here), shares the stories of more than 100 couples she interviewed who were in non-monogamous, open or polyamorous relationships.
The conversation that occurred after the reading was really interesting. I’m generally fascinated by discussions about relationships and I think there is a lot to learn from different models that people are using to make their relationships.
Some food for thought from the conversation:

• From Tristan: “Cheaters do one honest thing. They acknowledge that their current partner isn’t meeting all their needs. Then they fuck it all up by lying.”
• A main difference between monogamous and non-monogamous relationships is that non-monogamous ones don’t have limits or boundaries that are established by society. They have to do the work of establish the terms themselves.
• Monogamy works for those who choose it, but not so well for those who enter into by default.
• Non-monogamous people are every where, in every walk of life. These relationships are extremely diverse, there are no standards for how they work.

I know conversations about non-monogamy have been quite heated at Feministing in the past, but I thought it was worth continuing the dialogue. I highly recommend both their books as well.