Law & Order: Ballbusters Division

I’ll admit it—I am obsessed with Law & Order. All of them. So much so that I think I actually squealed with excitement when I saw that there was to be yet another spinoff, Law & Order: Trial by Jury. Terrifying, I know.
Disappointingly, I lasted about fifteen minutes watching the first episode. It was just borrrinng. What I failed to notice however, was the female factor on the show. Fortunately, Dahlia Lithwick of Slate was more observant:
It’s probably a coincidence that the first legal show featuring almost universally unlikable attorneys is also the first legal show that features almost universally female attorneys. Trial by Jury scuttles the Law & Order casting formula (grizzled veteran cop/foxy male cop plus grizzled veteran prosecutor/foxy supermodel assistant prosecutor) to bring you a gaggle of cynical female defense attorneys, judges, prosecutors, and assistants. The show stars Cheers veteran Bebe Neuwirth as Assistant District Attorney Tracey Kibre (“Let’s get someone bitter and emasculating. Like Lillith.” “I know! Let’s just get Lillith!”). Amy Carlson plays bored ADA Kelly Gaffney, and in last week’s premiere, Annabella Sciorra was a defense attorney who nodded serenely as her client described strangling his pregnant girlfriend and chucking her down a well.
Female judges, including Candace Bergen, sit around reminiscing about their brushes with sexual harassment—heh heh—and the dialogue flying between the female prosecutor and defense attorney (over facials, of course) includes such catty garbage as: “Ahhh, the voice that launched a thousand appeals,” and “Necessity is the mother of conviction.” I counted the word “bitch” or “bitches” six times in the hourlong premiere. I’ve heard rap albums that are more respectful of women.
Yes, I’ve been spoiled rotten by the soft-spoken genius of Michael Moriarty in the first four seasons of Law & Order and by the controlled intensity of Sam Waterston in the seasons since, but why fall back into clichés of bitter ’80s ballbusters?

Personally, I would love to be a bitter ‘80s ballbuster. I could even wear shoulder pads…hot.