mhaire fraser

The #yesallwomen campaign has brought up so much deeply held finally said out loud shame from women. Reading it brings tears to my eyes. The mini stories are devastating. Yet I know that only half of the stories out there are being told.  The rest are still buried because of the Thing that all women are taught:  The first rule of being a girl is to shield ourselves from the vengeance of men. We try to shield ourselves by being the kind of women they won’t hurt.  Although, that gets tricky.  The criticisms that we aren’t doing it right include too fat, not pretty enough, too intelligent, too dumb, too accomplished to be worthy of anything but scathing derision and hatred.  We must be punished.  If we are doing it right then we owe them sex. At least, a blow-job. We must be used.

I have heard this story too many times.  I have heard it from my students who are just trying to get to class.  I have heard it from girlfriends who are just trying to have a glass of wine, with each other.  I have heard from the female engineers who think problem solving is fun.  I have heard from the 12 year old swimmers who are trying to figure why suddenly men think their bodies in swimsuits are different from last year.  I have heard it and heard it and heard it. And yes, I have experienced it.