Grace

I might as well say it out loud.  I sometimes date men off of Craigslist.  It a mixed-bag of cock and ab pics, men who are looking for sex-only relationships, kink, and men who are looking for ltrs (long term relationships). Recently, I posted an ad, looking for a brotherly type man to hang out with.  I miss platonic male company. Imagine my surprise when one respondent, Matt, demanded, “Tell me a joke or a funny story so that I know you aren’t a bitter spinster or a crazy cat lady.”

Huh.

After responding to Matt with a very well thought out, and eloquent, “Go Fuck Yourself,” I considered his request. A 40 year old single man finds it acceptable to ask a 36 year old, single woman to defend the idea that she could, in fact, be single, and NOT embody the spinster/cat-lady stereotype.  Matt’s underlying questions: Can a woman be single at 36 and be unaffected by her aloneness?  Shouldn’t single women be ashamed of the condition they find themselves in, or at the very least, deathly afraid that they will always be alone?

My journey toward being a woman alone started again for me about 6 years ago. I say it started again because when I was in college, about 18-22, I was happily, unapologetically a woman alone. No spouse, no boyfriend, and no awareness that being alone was something undesirable. I didn’t spend my energy trying to attract men. I dated. I broke up. I recovered. Through it ...