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#myfatsexstory tackles fat Black female sexuality

Wednesday night’s Empire had a surprise for viewers when it was revealed that Gabby Sidibe’s character, Becky, had a love interest. This alone can be viewed as a radical shift when so often fat, Black women are completely asexualized in the tradition of a harmful mammy stereotype.

But Empire took it a step further by showing Becky and her bae having sex. This is a radical scene in today’s media landscape, which barely recognizes the humanity of fat Black girls, let alone their sex lives. Popular fat Black female characters like Rasputia, Precious, and Madea all reinforce the idea that fat Black women’s sexuality and desirability exist only as comedy, visible only to be ridiculed. 

The internet has already done it’s share to demoralize the scene and further berate fat women with memes like this one.


 Thursday, I decided to challenge this narrative by sharing #myfatsexstory and encouraged others to do the same. My hope was that sharing personal sex stories from and about fat black women could make more room in the narrative about our sexuality. I couldn’t stand another day of seeing myself at the butt of a joke and I hoped that it would be an opportunity for honest dialogue and for people to see us more holistically.

What ended up happening was so much more important. Not only were women sharing their fascinating, steamy sex stories. But we were also talking about the pain, shame, and stigma that guides our lives as we try to balance being both fat and sexual.

We talked about body image and what it meant to be fetishized as fat women.

But most importantly we shared our messages of resilience and resistance.

Header image via.

Feministing's resident "sexpert", Sesali is a published writer and professional shit talker. She is a queer Black girl, fat girl, and trainer. She was the former Training Director at the United States Student Association and later a member of the Youth Organizing team at Planned Parenthood Federation of America. She received her bachelors in Women's and Gender Studies from Depaul University in 2012 and is currently pursuing a master's in Women's, Gender, and Sexuality studies at Georgia State University in Atlanta. A self identified "trap" feminist, and trained with a reproductive justice background, her interests include the intersections of feminism and: pop culture, youth culture, social media, hip hop, girlhood, sexuality, race, gender, and Beyonce. Sesali joined the team in 2010 as one of the winners of our So You Think You Can Blog contest.

is Feministing's resident sexpert and cynic.

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