An Internet eulogy for Penny Proud

Photo credit: The Advocate

Internet eulogies are a genre of writing unto themselves. Any of us concerned about the lives of those who exist on the margins has written one, afraid the loss of life would go unreported and uncared for if left to the traditional media machines to give voice to those lost. And perhaps more importantly, we write them because we know if left up to those traditional media machines, the context in which those lives were lost — or, more likely, taken — will be ignored. The public will consume the details of the death but none of the meaning. We, the ones who would like to see an end to the violence and death, are charged with writing those legacies.

It’s fucking exhausting.

Each one takes something out of the writer. Each new story of death and injustice eats away at us. And then the pangs of guilt attack us, as we remember that we are still alive, in a position to do the writing, while others are dying in those moments we spend in front of a keyboard.

Penny Proud is the fifth transgender woman of color to be killed in the United States in the past month. The 21 year-old now joins of list of names that includes Yazmin Vash Payne, Ty Underwood, Lamia Beard, and Taja Dejesus. They are names now. They were once people. They were once trans women of color who wanted nothing more than to live as their authentic selves. They are names now.

And so, we write the eulogies. We bemoan the lack of coverage from the media. We rail against the everyday threat of violence trans women of color face. We pull out the statistics to back up our point. We fight to ensure they are not misgendered and respect is paid to their preferred pronouns. And we know we’ll have to do it all again when the next trans woman of color is killed.

It’s fucking exhausting.

No one takes joy in having to write these eulogies. But they remain necessary in a world that has no respect for trans and gender non-conforming people. We have to keep writing them so long as trans people are viewed by so many as a threat by virtue of being trans. In the case of Ty Underwood, the man arrested in her killing, Carlton Champion Jr., is alleged to have shot her upon learning she was trans. The two had texted back and forth for a short while, possibly dating. That’s it. That’s all. She did nothing to him but be herself.

This is the reality trans women are facing, and so far all we have to offer them are Internet eulogies. They are not enough. They take people who used to be trans women of color who wanted nothing more than to live as their authentic selves and turn them into names on an ever growing list. Impotent though they are, our Internet eulogies are one of the few weapons we have to fight back.

It’s fucking exhausting, but guess what? We can’t stop writing them. We cannot allow a second back to be turned toward trans women of color who fear for their lives. If it’s ever going to get better, we have to keep writing our eulogies, we have to keep saying, “I will fight for you.” For Penny, and Ty, and Lamia, and Islan, and all the other trans women who have become names. They deserve a better world. Here’s hoping our eulogies can help create one.