9 Reasons You SHOULD Have Sex on a First Date

Every good girl has been told not to have sex on the first date. Right?

When you google ”sex on the first date,” the first entry that comes up is a post by some psychologist in the Huffington Post about why you shouldn’t be having sex on the first date.

Here are the 9 reasons this ‘doctor’ thinks first-date sex backfires, and the 9 reasons why I think she’s [redacted] stuck in the 17th century.

1. First-date sex rarely satisfies female sexual needs. Because apparently women only want sex when they are in love. And when single women feel horny, it is “an extension of their emotional need for companionship”.

That is the most patronizing, offensive BS I’ve heard in a long time! How dare you tell me what I want?! I know this may be difficult for someone stuck in the 17th century to understand, but I often need sex as much (if not more) than I need love. And when I feel horny, it’s because I want a big fat penis in my vagina, not arms around my back. And sex on the first date with someone I find attractive is a great way to satisfy my sexual needs.

2. First-date sex can be physically risky. It apparently “exposes my bloodstream and precious eggs” to a complete stranger.

Um, there are these things called condoms.

3. First-date sex can turn a man off.

If it does, then he is not the right man for me. Why would I want to date someone who wouldn’t date me for doing the same thing he did?! I despise such men, I think they are hypocritical neanderthals stuck in prehistoric times. The kinda guy I want to date is the kinda guy who will appreciate and respect me for owning my sexuality enough to have sex when I want to have sex. Such men exist, and I wouldn’t settle for anything less, thank you very much.

4. First-date sex advertises you to bulk-sex consumers. Because apparently there are two distinct dating markets out there: “One sells bulk sex at a low price – the price of one drink or a well-worded text, but people who want a healthy relationship charge a high price for sex: attention, love, care, commitment, and social status.”

Um, lady, I don’t know what world you inhabit, but in my world, only prostitutes charge for sex (and the good ones charge a pretty high price for it). But I am not a prostitute, so I don’t charge anyone anything for sex. I have sex because I want sex, not because I want drinks, love, attention, and social status. Sex is not a currency to get something else I want, sex IS the thing I want.

5. First-date sex confuses sexual chemistry and love.

No, it does not. I know exactly what sexual chemistry feels like, and it does not feel like love. Tingling in my labia and wanting to jump the guy and impale myself on his penis is not the same as wanting to hold him in my arms for days and dreaming of spending the rest of my life with him. I cannot possibly feel love on the first date. I can definitely feel sexual chemistry on the first date. And we cannot get to the love part unless the sexual chemistry part works out. So, sexual chemistry first, love next.

6. First-date sex can train you to be a cheater.

WTF?! Lady. This claim is so preposterous, I’m not even gonna address it.

Ugh, but the scientist in me can’t help it. There is not a shred of scientific evidence that first-date sex TRAINS you to be a cheater. What you’re probably doing here is twisting the scientific evidence that people who are more likely to have sex on the first date are also more likely to cheat on their partners. That has indeed been shown by a couple of studies, but that is correlational evidence. And unless your PhD in psychology is fake, you would know that correlation does not equal causation. The most likely explanation for this particular correlation is that both tendencies – to have sex on the first date and to cheat on your partner – stem from a third common personality variable, something like a high sex drive in combination with a high desire for sexual novelty.

7. First-date sex evokes regret and uncertainty instead of a bond.

No, it does not. Let me break it down for your seemingly inferior brain.

a) If the sex was good and he calls the next day, then the bond between us will be strengthened. No regret, no uncertainty.
b) If the sex was good and he doesn’t call again because I had sex with him on the first date, then he’s one of those hypocritical neanderthals (see #3) who I have no interest in dating. Sex was good, so no regret, and he’s a jerk, so no uncertainty or desire for a bond.
c) If the sex was bad, I’d be disappointed, but I’d rather know that sooner than later. No regret (I tried), no uncertainty, no desire for a bond. We could still be friends if he was a nice guy.


8. First-date sex puts the double-standard on trial. Apparently, the double standard is still alive and well; therefore we should just suck it up and please not rock the boat until “feminism reprograms men’s brains in the area of sexuality.”

Um, are you out of your mind?! That’s like saying: People still believe slavery is a good thing, so you Black people shouldn’t suggest otherwise. Just wait til humanism reprograms white people’s brains in the area of race. There is no abstract feminism that will magically reprogram men’s brains. It’s on every single one of the enlightened us (male and female) to slowly bring the neanderthals into the 21st century, one neanderthal at a time.

9. First-date sex inhibits the growth of emotional intimacy. 

No, it doesn’t. (What kind of a doctor are you, again?!) Good, orgasmic sex releases oxytocin, the bonding chemical, so emotional intimacy increases when two people have sex. If that is followed by continued communication and more sex – as you would expect from two mature, intelligent, 21st century adults who like each other – that intimacy will only increase with time.

The bottom line

Gals, I’m not saying every one of us wants to or should have sex on the first night. If that’s not your thing, by all means don’t do it. But if you’re a horny little slut like me for whom lust, sex, sexual compatibility, and enlightened gender attitudes in a partner are critical components of a successful relationship, then please feel free to have sex whenever the fuck you want.

Intellectual and social regressives like this woman – posing as PhDs and experts – are helping perpetuate some entirely ridiculous but extremely damaging social stereotypes and prejudices:
– the double sexual standard: women are not allowed the same sexual freedoms as men;
– the good girl/bad girl (i.,e. Madonna/whore) dichotomy: women are either for fucking or marrying, but not both;
– men are from Mars and women are from Venus: men and women are different species that do not desire the same things in life and are constantly in war against each other. Sure, we’re not identical, but there is much more overlap than differences between us.

Don’t let them do it. Fight it. Responsibly.

Originally posted on http://perverticallyvirtuous.com/2013/06/02/9-reasons-sex-on-a-first-date-does-not-backfire/

Disclaimer: This post was written by a Feministing Community user and does not necessarily reflect the views of any Feministing columnist, editor, or executive director.

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