Those of us concerned about the sexual assault epidemic ravaging the military can all the chill out, thanks to some really awesome news: women who join the military are pathological freaks who make up stories about being raped out of spite, for money or for attention. This, at least, is the opinion of esteemed (by fellow homophobic-racist- misogynists) “journalist” John Derbyshire. If that name sounds familiar, you’re either a FHRM (fellow homophobic-racist-misogynist) or you remember when Derbyshire urged white parents to follow his lead and have that really important, life-saving talk with their children about
the birds and the bees the blacks. He advised his own children to, among other racist tricks, “(10a) Avoid concentrations of blacks not all known to you personally,” “(10b) Stay out of heavily black neighborhoods,” “If planning a trip to a beach or amusement park at some date, find out whether it is likely to be swamped with blacks on that date.” This got him fired from The National Review.
Luckily for him, and us, Taki’s Magazine, which describes itself as “a Libertarian webzine” and calls itself by the affectionate nickname “Takimag,” welcomed Drebyshire with open arms and he joined the ranks of FHRM columnists like Pat Buchanan. In an article for his cleverly named “Derbtown” column, called “The Sexual Harassment Panic” (I love it already), “the Derb” (if you will, and I hope you will) explains that he’s just here to help: “My work here aims to be constructive: to apprise the US military of some true facts that might assist them in pushing back against the USC tsunami.” He then lays out his points with the same organization and clarity he did in his article on the blacks. I paraphrase but also include his original language to demonstrate the importance of his argument, the precision of his language, and the shocking fact that I’m not exaggerating or distorting his screed. But perhaps my greatest motivation for pasting screenshots instead of linking to the article is this plea that appears when I copy and paste the text:
“Please share this article by using the link below. When you cut and paste an article, Taki’s Magazine misses out on traffic, and our writers don’t get paid for their work.”
So, in italics, I present my translation of “The Derb” and below each translation is a screenshot from his article.
1. What do you expect to happen when you mix the sexes? This is why women shouldn’t be in the army, and integration will be the ruin of civilization. I also cannot concentrate when any women are around, because I’m a pathological horndog.
2. When men outnumber ladies they can’t control themselves. It’s hard for them and they suffer all sorts of feelings. They can’t get anything done. I know because I’m a pathological horndog.
3. Powerful men make women horny. Men know this and unless they relieve themselves suffer extreme blue balls. I am in pain as I write this.
4. Men like to blow shit up because of their DNA. While normal women stay home, pop out kids and love needle point, women who join the army are freaks-of-nature nut jobs, who lie about sexual assault for ulterior motives. But also, if there are any real cases of sexual assault, it’s because human nature and women in the army. See above.
5. If a woman says she was sexually assaulted, she probably just means she regrets having sex with the guy. And I know because I asked a real-life lady friend about this, this one time.
6. Shouldn’t the army be more worried about fighting wars than about a little bit of mass, systemic, entrenched and widespread sexual assault. And am I a funny, clever sarcastic guy, or what?