Truth Takes Time – a QueerFemme Translady Story

This animated short tells the story of a young trans girl who other people won’t let be a girl, and her journey to living on her own terms. A warning that it’s a tear jerker – Ellie Krnich’s picture book animation style brings me right back to childhood. The short is a personal, intimate story that I and a lot of other folks can relate to. Ellie’s bio and a transcript are after the jump.


Ellie Krnich is a 34 year old transitioned queer Femme currently making her home in the East Bay of Northern California, running a small little TV station in Berkeley. Truth Takes Time marks Ellie’s first venture into animation filmmaking. She just finished her degree in character animation at Animation Mentor and likes to eat frozen blueberry muffins in her free time.

 

Transcript:

MOTHER: ALEXANDER NICHOLAS!!!!
What the HELL?
Are you wearing your cousin’s clothes?
Your father would be so ANGRY for
what you’ve done. If he ever found out….
BOYS ONLY WEAR BOY’S CLOTHES.

TITLE OF FILM: TRUTH TAKES TIME

00:01:32 –> 00:01:34
ALLIE: It seems like every time I look in
the mirror lately…
… I can’t even see myself anymore.
I mean – it’s what everybody else
can see…
… but it’s not the real me.
Some days I think I could keep
living like this.
Hiding isn’t so bad, is it?
At least it’s safe.
But then I get reminded…

Like when I’m out with my friends,
there’s always this segregation between us.
It’s always subtle, but never to me.

DUDE: I don’t care what anyone says,
I love my ball. I love it man, I love my ball!

ALLIE: And the guys always try to talk to
me about things they think I’d be
interested in… Because they are.

DUDE: Hey I’m from LA! Kobe man!
Kobe all the WAY!

ALLIE: And no matter how much I try to listen
and be present for my friends, I just can’t.

DUDE: If you’d get rid of that gut, you should
play some more basketball.

ALLIE: I’m too busy wishing I was on the other
side of the room.

DUDE: Oh look at that right there!
She wants me! She is SO HOT.

ALLIE: … Where I know I belong.

ALLIE: There are these times when I can push all of this
gender bullshit out of my head.
And I actually… give myself a chance to just be.

[laughter begins]

ALLIE: But people just look at me funny.
Even though other girls my age can act the
same way without question,
I get stared down as if I just committed a crime!
And even though I should know better
than to care,
I can’t let it go…..

There’s no place safe for me.

So I stand, in limbo, waiting.
Waiting for nothing.

[voices of distrust and self-hatred]

ALLIE:
I can’t express myself the way I want to.
I can’t get others to see me the way I want to.
I can’t, I can’t!
I CAN’T!
My whole life is full of CAN NOT and DO NOTS.
Nothing ever changes.
I’m tired of having to accept being invisible.
I just want to be happy.
I know people will never stop
judging me based on how I look.
But I refuse to spend the rest of my
life living like this.
I will not become the old man looking
back at my life with disgust,
regretting every day that I pretended to be
somebody that I’m not.
Because it was safe. And convenient.
I’m ready for the next step.
I’m ready to walk through the
looking glass.

And as they say…

Here we go…

00:07:02 –> 00:07:04
Poppa…
Today I filed for a name change.
It’s not like.. I mean.
Things are just getting to this point that…
Using my birth name is getting confusing. For everybody.
Including me.

Poppa? Are you okay?

00:07:34 –> 00:07:37
POPPA: Ever since you told me about everything,
There are these nights that I just…
The same questions keep popping up into my head.
What did I do wrong?

ALLIE: Poppa – no…

POPPA: Was I around enough? Was she around enough?
I never wanted —
I tried to make it work with her.
And when it didn’t, I tried to be both.
Maybe it wasn’t en—

ALLIE: NO, Poppa. No.
None of this is your fault.

POPPA: How can you be sure?

ALLIE: I’ve spent the last 16 years of my life wondering everyday why I am the way I am.
And I look back at her. And then you –
The unbelievable you…

What if mom hadn’t hurt me that one fateful day?
What if she had been around more?
What if I hadn’t been so afraid to tell you it all so long ago?

00:08:38 –> 00:08:41
YOUNGER POPPA: Alex, what’s wrong?

ALLIE: I could ask a million what if’s, but there will never be any answers.
Not for this.

There is only right now.

For the first time in my life, I’m happy.
Which is all you ever wanted for me in the first place, right?

00:09:30 –> 00:09:37
ALLIE: People say you should always be yourself.
But hardly anybody lives up to that.
I don’t want to live my life being scared.

BARISTA: Here you go miss.

ALLIE: Not like so many others…

ALLIE TO HERSELF: Someday it’s going to work out. I promise.

EMMA: Allie? Are you ready?

ALLIE: I’ve always been ready.
The truth just takes a little time…

 

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One Comment

  1. Posted June 5, 2013 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    Aw jeez! There’s something in my eye.

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