Todd Akin’s Justice

I know — I can hear the groans of ‘Not ANOTHER post about Todd Akin’s quote’ from here.  And, honestly, I agree — I’ve heard plenty of griping and yelling and bitching and moaning about this enormous douchebag’s infamous quote, already, along with some particularly brilliant retorts to his idiocy.  But, I hadn’t heard the entire quote in full until I picked up a Wisconsin Gazette today — my city’s local LGBT newspaper — and it was printed, in full, for my riffing pleasure.

But rather than focus on the stupidity of the first half of his quote, like everyone else on this site and elsewhere has done, I’m going to focus on the second half that has received shamefully little attention:

“I think there should be some punishment, but the punishment ought to be of the rapist, and not attacking the child.”

Allow me a dramatic pause.

That sounds like a brilliant idea, Mr. Akin.  Yes, let us do THAT, and punish the rapist.

(I wish I knew how to make video blogs so anyone reading this could see the evil grin on my face.  Perhaps you can content yourselves by imagining that I’ve inserted the ‘Challenge Accepted’ troll face into this blog post.)

My proposed punishment for rapists would be that the police track him down — and, as two out of three rapes are committed by someone the victim knows, that shouldn’t be too hard to do in most cases — take him and his victim to a hospital, have the doctors remove the fetus from the victim’s body, surgically implant it in the rapists’, shoot him up with estrogen and a fake uterus, force him to carry it for nine months, then have him give birth via C-section like a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.  Now, THAT would be perfect justice — the rapist would have to live with the consequences of what he did, AND it wouldn’t cost the life of the ‘Unborn child’.  And, as an added bonus, the child would be guaranteed a relationship with it’s father, instead of being trapped with it’s evil, parasitic, corrupting single mother (As Mitt Romney thinks of such women).  This sounds great!  Let’s do THAT!

…What?  You think Todd Akin WOULDN’T like that idea?  Well, whyever not?  Surely, inflicting the indignity of being robbed of autonomy over your body wouldn’t be TOO harsh a punishment for a rapist, right?  Or would it be too much to ask of a man to take on the responsibilities, pains, and social limitations that women suffer when they become pregnant?  Or, perhaps, would it just be too ridiculous to think that any rapist in this situation could be convicted?

Well, on a purely logical note, you’d probably be right — even I can immediately guess that, if presented with that idea, Todd Akin would never even consider it.  Because, unfortunately, justice and women’s bodies aren’t the priority.  The mistake so many opponents make is thinking of it in terms of it’s results.  Abortion didn’t arise from any sort of conceptions of life and death, of when a fetus becomes a person, or anything of the sort — abortion rose from women’s need for control.  Control that they would lack, if Akin or any of his kin had any kind of control in the government.

So, in the meantime, I’m going to write an open letter to Mr. Akin, proposing my idea.  Anyone have an address of his that I can troll?