Quick hit: Four fictional heroines walk into a bar…

… Actually, they walk into Buffy Summers’ house. And have a girls’ night! Imagine Bella Swan, Katniss Everdeen, Hermione Granger and Buffy, in a room together. This is probably how it would go down.

Bella: But boys are obviously the emotional crux of our lives! Edward practically looks at me the wrong way and I go into a helpless, emotional coma for eight days! He is my absolute everything and I can’t be a functional human being without his existence! What else could be more important in your lives than your man?!?!? What the hell else could ever be harder in your lives?!?

Katniss: I’ve been kind of tied up dealing with this whole reality TV death match I’ve been forced into, that’s also turned into a full-scale rebellion against the leader of my dystopian, totalitarian society, all the while trying not to starve to death and provide for my family.

Hermione: I just had to wipe myself from the memories of my parents, as I set out on a road trip where my two best friends and I are being hunted by a band of insane fascists, working under the instructions of the wizarding equivalent of Hitler. One of them tortured me, and there is a constant fear of being hunted down and assassinated.

Buffy: I spend every single day of my life battling evil vampires, and am constantly saving the world from demons, angry Gods, and the Root of All Evil itself. My mother is dead and my sister isn’t technically a real person. I have technically died twice. You and your man troubles take the entire women’s movement back decades.

I’m Team Hermione forever, though my roommates tell me that if I were to read The Hunger Games series I’d be Team Katniss in a heartbeat. One thing’s for damn sure, though: I’d rather be mauled to death by a possessive werewolf with anger issues than be Team Bella. Read the whole thing here.

New York, NY

Chloe Angyal is a journalist and scholar of popular culture from Sydney, Australia.

Read more about Chloe

Join the Conversation

  • http://feministing.com/members/skoelle/ Spencer Koelle

    Quite enjoyable. A few thoughts tho,
    Wouldn’t Bella, as a “good girl” zero-flaw purity archon, be all “Oh no, I don’t drink ALCOHOL! D8 *fans self*”?
    Also, maybe she and Katniss would swap rodent-hunting tips? Rabbit is, like, posh food to her. =o

  • michelle-j

    That was so fucking hilariously funny. Thank you for a bit of a reprieve from the daily turmoil!

  • http://feministing.com/members/sapadu/ Jacqueline Hentzen

    LO-Fucking-L! Any more suggestions for who they should invite to those pop-heroine girls nights? Ripley was a good one.

    Damn… They could make a series out of that!

    • http://feministing.com/members/skoelle/ Spencer Koelle

      Ripley is somewhat impressive, but Susan/Ginormica trumps her any day. Ripley runs through dark corriders from slathering aliens. Ginormica runs towards them.

  • http://feministing.com/members/fiercebadrabbit/ Siobhan

    Eh, on this subject I wouldn’t go invoking team Katniss. She’s interesting in a lot of ways, but as regards romantic relationships? She makes a big deal of paying attention to the life and death scenario instead for the first book, but in the second two she spends way too much time and emotional energy on dithering between boys. And her choices are a person who’s admittedly important to her but who is a violent, disturbed individual and a Nice Guy who’s been quietly stalking her and fancying himself worthy of love as a result (apparently since they were both five years old?). She’s a great role model for standing against the system, but not so much for healthy relationships.

  • http://feministing.com/members/andejoh/ John

    I stopped watching Buffy, but I heard that in Gone there was a scene in which Buffy rapes Spike while invisible. I looked for a description and Nika Dawson describes the scene here

    http://www.fanpop.com/spots/buffy-the-vampire-slayer/articles/2020/title/thoughts-on-rape-whedonverse

    I’m surprised Buffy didn’t just tell Bella to rape Edward. I’m not surprised that a feminist website would suggest that Buffy Summer’s is a role model for women. Feminists seem nit ti believe that rape is really rape when the perpetrator is female and the victim is male. You’ll never see feministing start a campaign to change the FBI definition of rape to include envelopment or forced penetration. A definition that ignores 99% of female perpetrated rapes serves their political interests and serves to gender the crime.