Three reasons I wish I could quit you, Susan G. Komen!

Yesterday, Lori  blogged the then-breaking news that the Susan G. Komen Foundation would stop funding Planned Parenthood’s breast cancer screenings, bowing to pressure from ironically named “pro-life” groups and their ironically named “pro-life” new Vice-President, Karen Handel. Handel unsuccessfully ran for Governor of Texas Georgia on an anti-Planned Parenthood platform, saying “Let me be clear, since I am pro-life, I do not support the mission of Planned Parenthood.” Since the Foundation’s cuts will mean a loss of hundreds of thousands of dollars that would have gone to breast exams, these organizations and this Handel, are less pro-life and more anti-life, pro-cancer and, ultimately pro-death.

Of course, people are encouraging folks to donate directly to Planned Parenthood, or other great organizations. Sure, not having women die in back alleys is great. Giving women who otherwise couldn’t afford lifesaving breast cancer screenings and breast health education is great too. But the truth is, I don’t know if I have the budget for any donations, because then I would have to dip into my monthly allotment for Susan G. Komen products. And I’m not sure I am prepared to take that radical step.

How could I live without The Foundation’s “Promise Me™ Eau de Toilette? It’s:

An alluring floriental fragrance that combines classic elegance with a modern twist. Introduced with breezy aldehydes and sparkling citrus notes, the initial impression is fresh and uplifting. As the fragrance becomes one with your skin, the floral bouquet blossoms in the heart, revealing sensual femininity. The background lends warmth and opulence, enveloping the scent with a long lasting trail.

Actually, I probably should live without the perfume, since, as Breast Cancer Action explains, the perfume has chemicals that are “a) categorized as toxic and hazardous, b) have not been adequately evaluated for human safety, and c) have demonstrated negative health effects.”

And I can’t do anything without these amazing pom pom tipped gloves. OK, maybe I can’t do anything with my hands when I wear them but the number of compliments and high fives I get when I wear them makes it soooo worth it.

And I’ve been saving up for my  for my pink M&P9 JG Smith and Wesson gun! It’s not just because I love guns, or because approximately 700 American women are shot and killed by intimate partners each year. It’s because Smith and Wesson donates a portion of its proceeds to the Susan G Komen Foundation! This is actually THE perfect product for Susan G Komen, because nothing says “anti-life,” more than a gun? Well, maybe the Susan G Komen Foundation.

But in all seriousness, please do check out this list, compiled by Nona Willis Aronowitz, of ways you can support Planned Parenthood and similar organizations. And sign this petition, urging the foundation not to throw Planned Parenthood under the bus.


Born and raised on the mean streets of New York City’s Upper West Side, Katie Halper is a comic, writer, blogger, satirist and filmmaker based in New York. Katie graduated from The Dalton School (where she teaches history) and Wesleyan University (where she learned that labels are for jars.) A director of Living Liberally and co-founder/performer in Laughing Liberally, Katie has performed at Town Hall, Symphony Space, The Culture Project, D.C. Comedy Festival, all five Netroots Nations, and The Nation Magazine Cruise, where she made Howard Dean laugh! and has appeared with Lizz Winstead, Markos Moulitsas, The Yes Men, Cynthia Nixon and Jim Hightower. Her writing and videos have appeared in The New York Times, Comedy Central, The Nation Magazine, Gawker, Nerve, Jezebel, the Huffington Post, Alternet and Katie has been featured in/on NY Magazine, LA Times, In These Times, Gawker,Jezebel, MSNBC, Air America, GritTV, the Alan Colmes Show, Sirius radio (which hung up on her once) and the National Review, which called Katie “cute and some what brainy.” Katie co-produced Tim Robbins’s film Embedded, (Venice Film Festival, Sundance Channel); Estela Bravo’s Free to Fly (Havana Film Festival, LA Latino Film Festival); was outreach director for The Take, Naomi Klein/Avi Lewis documentary about Argentine workers (Toronto & Venice Film Festivals, Film Forum); co-directed New Yorkers Remember the Spanish Civil War, a video for Museum of the City of NY exhibit, and wrote/directed viral satiric videos including Jews/ Women/ Gays for McCain.

Katie is a writer, comedian, filmmaker, and New Yorker.

Read more about Katie

Join the Conversation