What’s a Republican girl to do?

Picture of a young girl in pigtails with her hand on her forehead

Seriously, if I were a Republican woman looking at this current slate of candidates for the Republican presidential nomination I would be very unhappy.

First, there’s Mitt Romney, who is a chameleon. He’s like that guy you dated back in college who had the pearly white smile and who said all the right things. To you and all 11 of his other girlfriends. Mitt just can’t commit.

Next up we have Herman “999” Cain who just can’t go a single minute without a woman from his past coming out of the woodwork claiming harassment, assault, or an affair. Mr. Cain is of course denying everything except paying rent for his “friend” who he likes to chat with at 4:26 in the morning some days. Totally harmless when you’re married of course!

Next, we have Jon Huntsman. He’s not listed third here because he’s third in the polls, but instead because he had the potential to be the “smart” candidate on the Republican side until he called Herman Cain’s latest scandals “bimbo eruptions.” Gee, perhaps Mr. Huntsman would feel differently if his own daughters were called bimbos? Or maybe this is just Huntsman showing his true colors, because this is not his first sexist comment. In the past he’s claimed that the media only covers Michelle Bachmann because she’s pretty. Well, maybe Jon Huntsman only says sexist crap because he’s jealous that no one is paying him any attention when he’s not saying sexist things?

Next, is Newt! A man who somehow despite being a total moderate and on his third marriage in a party which cares about such things, is at the top of the heap this week. Seriously, a conservative woman should look at Newt’s history of going to his cancer stricken wife’s hospital bed to discuss divorce so he could marry wife number 2 as somewhat of a disqualifier in the categories of “character” and “values” but hey what do I know.

Let’s not forget Rick Perry and Michelle Bachmann who together have about three firing neurons between them. Or I guess in Perry’s case it’s only two firing neurons huh?

Then there is always Ron Paul, my personal favorite. Paul sometimes says things that sound very reasonable until about two and half minutes into a rant and after three times saying liberty you are left totally confused and concerned that if you are an uninsured woman with cervical cancer that Ron thinks you should just die. There’s liberty in death! Oh wait…no? Oh.

As an alternative to these charmers you could vote for Fred Karger.  The name of his recently released political memoir basically sums up his campaign for President–Fred Who? Karger is a gay Republican that Miriam had the privilege of interviewing last year. Pro-choice, feminist, in favor of the ERA…he might be the only person out there who actually considers him a Republican.

Considering Karger hasn’t been able to get into any debates, a Republican woman has to look at the rest of these options and wonder what is going on in the GOP.

*Note* Who is this Santorum person? Maybe you should google it.

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