Thought leader Rick Santorum converts me on gay marriage

Leading social theorist, eloquent and diplomatic visionary, logician extraordinaire, king of the brown stuff, and official candidate for the GOP presidential nomination Rick Santorum has put forward such a convincing argument against same sex marriage that he has compelled me to change my previous position.

See, I used to think that gay marriage was a no-brainer. A simple matter of equality and anti-discrimination. A way to afford the same rights and protections to all married people, regardless of their sexual orientation (though obviously there’s much more to the LGBTQI agenda than gay marriage.)

Thankfully, that’s all behind me. I’ve seen the light thanks to Rick Santorum, who recently presented THE definitive case against same-sex marriage during a meeting with the Des Moines Register: society can’t “redefine” marriage because water isn’t beer.

“It’s like saying this glass of water is a glass of beer. Well, you can call it a glass of beer, but it’s not a glass of beer. It’s a glass of water. And water is what water is. Marriage is what marriage is,” he said. [Emphasis mine.]

Remarkable, isn’t it? So simple, yet so deep. A metaphor for the ages. Watch it below:

Oh, Rick. That’s not an argument, it’s just some nonsense that you said. If “marriage is marriage” is the best argument against gay marriage you’ve got, progressives have a lot of victories to look forward to in regards to this subject.

Furthermore Rick, you and your fellow marriage metaphorists and crusaders better lay off the anti-queer agenda. Dan Savage has threatened to redefine your first name in addition to your last if you don’t stop soon- and we all know by now that no amount of water OR beer can fix the fact that “Santorum is what Santorum is” because of Savage.

Brooklyn, NY

Lori Adelman is Executive Director of Partnerships at Feministing, where she enjoys creating and curating content on gender, race, class, technology, and the media. Lori is also an advocacy and communications professional specializing in sexual and reproductive rights and health, and currently works in the Global Division of Planned Parenthood Federation of America. A graduate of Harvard University, she lives in Brooklyn.

Lori Adelman is an Executive Director of Feministing in charge of Partnerships.

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