Thought leader Rick Santorum converts me on gay marriage

Leading social theorist, eloquent and diplomatic visionary, logician extraordinaire, king of the brown stuff, and official candidate for the GOP presidential nomination Rick Santorum has put forward such a convincing argument against same sex marriage that he has compelled me to change my previous position.

See, I used to think that gay marriage was a no-brainer. A simple matter of equality and anti-discrimination. A way to afford the same rights and protections to all married people, regardless of their sexual orientation (though obviously there’s much more to the LGBTQI agenda than gay marriage.)

Thankfully, that’s all behind me. I’ve seen the light thanks to Rick Santorum, who recently presented THE definitive case against same-sex marriage during a meeting with the Des Moines Register: society can’t “redefine” marriage because water isn’t beer.

“It’s like saying this glass of water is a glass of beer. Well, you can call it a glass of beer, but it’s not a glass of beer. It’s a glass of water. And water is what water is. Marriage is what marriage is,” he said. [Emphasis mine.]

Remarkable, isn’t it? So simple, yet so deep. A metaphor for the ages. Watch it below:

Oh, Rick. That’s not an argument, it’s just some nonsense that you said. If “marriage is marriage” is the best argument against gay marriage you’ve got, progressives have a lot of victories to look forward to in regards to this subject.

Furthermore Rick, you and your fellow marriage metaphorists and crusaders better lay off the anti-queer agenda. Dan Savage has threatened to redefine your first name in addition to your last if you don’t stop soon- and we all know by now that no amount of water OR beer can fix the fact that “Santorum is what Santorum is” because of Savage.

Brooklyn, NY

Lori Adelman is a writer and advocate focusing on race, gender, and sexual and reproductive rights. In addition to her work at Feministing, Lori is an Associate Director at Planned Parenthood Global. Lori has previously worked at the United Nations Foundation, the International Women’s Health Coalition, and Human Rights Watch, and has written for a host of print and digital properties including Rookie Magazine, The Grio, and the New York Times Magazine. She regularly appears on radio and television, and has spoken at college campuses across the U.S. about topics like the politics of black hair, transnational movement building, and the undercover feminism of Nicki Minaj. In 2014, she was named to The Root 100 list of the nation's most influential African Americans, and to the Forbes Magazine list of the "30 Under 30" successful people in media.

Lori Adelman is an Executive Director of Feministing in charge of Partnerships.

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