Coping With The Fact That I’m A Feminist

There comes a time in every young Feminist’s life, male or female…yes, male Feminists exist, when they have to finally take a bullet and admit to themselves that they are, indeed, actually a Feminist. I’m kind of joking, but if you start to make a list, which I’ve done, of all of the social/cultural factors that make this an extremely weighty identification you begin to understand why so few young people are willing to carry the movement forward under its current title.

Let’s backtrack for one brief moment and play a game of questions. Do you think that men and women should have a basic set of equal rights such as comparable salaries and access to opportunity based off of qualification rather than sex? Do you think that women should be given control over their own reproductive health and rights? Do you believe that toxic masculinity, here defined as demonstrations of maleness which are so aggressive as to be sexist and potentially violent, is damaging to our culture? Do you believe that there should be space within our culture for men and women to express themselves outside of the confines of rigid gender norms? If you said yes to the majority of these questions…then I’m over here in the corner whispering the words “YOU’RE A GIANT FEMINIST” under my breath. But, this piece is not about pointing fingers, so I’ll attempt to let you draw your own conclusions. Let the listing commence:

1) Feminism carries an enormous weight in cultural baggage.

a. Be prepared to find your new identity linked to the butt of a lot of unflattering jokes about hairy-man hating-lesbian (no offense meant to the lesbian ladies several of whom I dearly love)-better off sandwich making-psycho bitches-who are on a castrating rampage that involves ruining the world by challenging gender norms. Whoa…gonna take a breath now.

b. If you’re a heteronormative female you’re quickly going to come to terms with the fact that linking yourself to Feminism will usually signal a dramatic decrease in the size of  your potential dating pool.

You may be asking yourself  “Is this really a bad thing? Do I really want to date anyone or, gasp!, have relations with anyone that isn’t down with my ism?” You’re clearly a giant Feminist and I totally agree. I wouldn’t want to date anyone who couldn’t, at the very least, be respectful of my identity.

However,  I don’t think this point should be undervalued for the impact it can have on vulnerable young women who have been repeatedly bashed over the head with a culture that values dating and relationships above the self expression needs of an individual. I’ve so been there…for the last twenty-one years until now.

c. You’re going to have to explain what you mean by “Feminist” all the freaking time. I usually start these conversations with “Well first you should know that I don’t hate men and I don’t have any latent desires to chop their balls off.” I am not even kidding about that one and I sincerely wish, for the sake of this movement, that I was.

d. If you take up the Feminist mantle you immediately become the natural enemy of any group of people who think that women, or really anyone, should have one static role culturally.

Feminism enthusiastically pushes the question “Well, what about what I want and need for my own mental and emotional well being?” to the great discomfort of individuals who think that the world is going to fall apart if gender norms. are not strictly adhered to. Believe me, I get why people like gender norms. They reduce everything into neat gradations of clear and acceptable action and response, thus seeking to pretend that life is not a great big puddle of messy/wonderful confusion. But, it’s also very true that being crammed into a box that doesn’t fit you is a soul-sucking and dehumanizing practice that no being should be forced to endure.

So we’re going to make some enemies…but if you’re really a Feminist these are probably already people you’re not inviting to your birthday party, so I’ll politely not give a damn about em.

2)  Feminism carries an enormous weight in historical baggage.

a. When you align yourself with this movement you take on a huge historical legacy that you probably don’t even know that much about.

b. This legacy has alienated some of the very people that it meant to try and protect, but this is now and we can only seek to improve on what we’ve got.

3) The movement is constantly at odds within its own ranks about the direction in which it should travel and grow. I could write volumes on this topic and not even scratch the surface.

4) I should add at this point that there is a particular type of baggage solely reserved for heteronormative male Feminists. Other Feminists may not like me to make this distinction, as a big effort of the third wave is to break down barriers imposed by gender categories, but the fact of the matter is that we are not there yet and if you possess both of these qualities you’re going to take flak from non-Feminists and “Scary Monster Feminist Lady.”

“Scary Monster Feminist Lady” is not really something that we like to talk about, but she exists. She’s the one on the forums who gets pissed off whenever a male identified Feminist tries to make a point on any topic that she feels only woman identified individuals have a right to discuss. These topics usually concern reproductive rights or sexism. SMFL is generally a more early wave Feminist, meaning that she identifies with a portion of the movement which focuses its energies on equalities for women.

Make no mistake, the movement still has a deeply invested interest in equality for women, but we are shifting course to a focus on equality for all peoples.

The whole reason for my mentioning SMFL is to point out that there is baggage unique to the role of male-identified Feminists, but most of us do not condone or appreciate displays of gender bullying if the opinion expressed has been done so respectfully and with the understanding that there are some topics that hit the ladies especially hard.

So, if you’ve waded through all of this you’re probably asking yourself “Why in the hell would I ever want to identify as Feminist?” What a remarkably good question. It’s really not a title that should be taken on lightly.

I identify as a Feminist because it’s the most honest heading under which to put my beliefs and because I feel that the movement is heading in a really positive direction. I see a lot of discussion on the sites of ways in which we can seek equality and understanding for all people. I’ll do anything I can to be a part of that because it’s the kind of world that I wish we lived in. I hope you’ll consider joining me, but I’ll always leave it up to you.