Thoughts on Victim-Blaming

A few months too late, I became aware of a NY Times story published in March 2011 concerning the gang-rape of an 11-year-old girl in Texas. This fine piece of journalism was an example of victim-blaming at its finest, describing the girl as dressing “older than her age, wearing makeup and fashions more appropriate to a woman in her 20s. She would hang out with teenage boys at a playground, some said.” The article then went on to quote residents blaming the girl’s mother, asking questions such as “‘Where was her mother? What was her mother thinking?'”

Though this article does not stand out in the long history of victim-blaming in journalism and most other arenas of social life, it struck a deep personal chord with me, which is why I feel compelled to publish this (despite all that has been said and written about this). When I was twelve, I was stalked and harassed by a wanted pedophile. My naivety was a blessing in disguise, as it led to his arrest and imprisonment. Yet it was also a catalyst for something I was wholly unprepared for at such a young age – that the responsibility for the egregious offense would somehow be shifted onto me. This transfer of blame is also especially common when PoC’s are the survivors.

Pretty much whomever I told the story to responded with shock, then went on to tell me what THEY would have done in my situation, and how could I have not seen through this guy? How could I have not seen the flags this guy was waving around? Anyone else in my shoes would have run away or called the cops immediately. I learned quickly to not tell my story to anyone. My gullibility was humiliating.

I can only imagine what kind of pain this 11-year-old girl from Texas is in right now. When moving a few years ago, I found a diary of mine from that time in my life. It was over-dramatic and melancholic to be sure, but there was something inherently disturbing about a 12-year-old belittling and blaming herself in excessively harsh language, and engaging in such severe self-loathing. It is no understatement for me to say that this event – not the stalking itself, but the reactions that followed it – was the catalyst for severe depressive episodes that started shortly thereafter and that I still suffer from and am on medication for. That’s where it all began. I am smart enough and have enough perspective to realize that none of this was my fault, but it took nearly ten years to get to that realization.

Victim-blaming is inexcusable in any context, and its repercussions are more unrelenting and cruel than many will acknowledge. Victim-blaming helps us to ignore the real problem: that we live in a society that condones and promotes violence against those who are perceived to be lesser beings. It allows us to avoid looking at ourselves (or others) in the mirror, and instead hold the mirror up to the victim to absolve ourselves of culpability.