Note: do not read this blog post on the floor of the Florida House of Representatives. If you are currently on the floor of the Florida House of Representatives, close this browser tab immediately.
Why? Because the word “uterus” is apparently not allowed on the floor of the Florida House of Representatives. According to the St. Petersburg Times, last week one Democratic representative ran afoul of the Uterus Ban:
Rep. Scott Randolph, D-Orlando, used his time during floor debate to argue that Republicans are against regulations — except when it comes to the little guys, or serves their specific interests.
At one point Randolph suggested that his wife “incorporate her uterus” to stop Republicans from pushing measures that would restrict abortions. Republicans, after all, wouldn’t want to further regulate a Florida business.
Apparently the GOP leadership of the House didn’t like the one-liner.
They told Democrats that Randolph is not to discuss body parts on the House floor.
So does this rule apply to all body parts and all figures of speech? Could Rep. Randolph have said that in the long term, cutting funding for women’s health will cost the state an arm and a leg? What about apologizing for his uterus remark by admitting that he’d put his foot in his mouth? Does the rule ban mention of arms, legs, feet and mouths? Or is it just, as I suspect, applied in cases where naughty female bits are mentioned? Randolph seems to think so, and he called it “a sad commentary about what we think about sex education in the state.”
Well, fair readers, this is not the floor of the Florida House of Representatives. You can say the anatomically correct terms for human body parts here. Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina. Uterus, uterus, uterus, uterus, uterus. UTERUS!