The endless obsession with how women are going to die alone because they have brains and casual sex has truly become the gift that keeps on giving. Mix one part college student sample, a few scattered inconsistent findings based on loosely correlated “evidence,” sweeping generalizations reinforcing female anxiety around mating and some slut-shaming for good measure and walla, you have yourself “relationship advice” from a “doctor.” The CNN health blog writes about a new book, “Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate and Think About Marrying,” by none other than “get married early” Mark Regenerus and sociologist Jeremy Ueker.
CNN concludes from a precursory look at the book men have the upper hand in the sexual economy. This is not because women are judged based on their promiscuity or lack thereof in a way that men rarely are or because men face pressure to have casual sex like a stud and deny their romantic feelings for relationships. Or because when you are a woman between 18-23 male attention and the desire to “be in a relaysh” has more impact on your self esteem then say when you are a 30-somethinger like me. Or maybe because by 23, you still don’t know what you want out of a relationship. No, no, men have the upper hand in sex and dating because women have too much freedom, sex and education.
Researchers found that since women in the 18- to 23-year-old group feel they don’t need men for financial dependence, many of them feel they can play around with multiple partners without consequence, and that the early 20s isn’t the time to have a serious relationship. But eventually, they do come to want a real, lasting relationship. The problem is that there will still be women who will have sex readily without commitment, and since men know this, fewer of them are willing to go steady.
“Women have plenty of freedom, but freedom does not translate easily into getting what you want,” Regnerus said.
Translation: even when you decide to smarten up and close those legs, all those other sluts are going to get your would be boyfriend.
So, women are to blame for other women being promiscuous. Its like circular slut-shaming. And men, well, they are just men, of course! Men don’t want relationships, they are just vagina hungry man-beasts that roam the green earth with their new-found ability to have sex outside of relationships. And it only gets better. Not only do men not want to be in a relationship with you because you are wanting to settle down and they don’t have to, some would even rather watch porn than have sex. No. Really.
The wide availability of pornography has also influenced the dynamics of relations between men and women, Regnerus said. A segment of 20-something men are content to have their sexual experiences by themselves, removing them from the pool of available partners.
Please, introduce me to the man that would rather stay home and watch porn than have sex. Wait, actually, don’t.
A few pieces of inconsistent evidence (i.e., women like to have sex, women like to be in relationships, some women continue liking to have sex, men like to have sex, some men like to watch pornography) mixed with religious dogma become statistical proof that men have the upper hand in sex. At no point is it noticed that we live in a culture that values women on their sexual promiscuity shaming them for having casual sex, or a culture that privileges a type of masculinity that is predicated on promiscuity and how both those factors are directly connected to self esteem when you are 18-23 and that just very well might impact how you behave. Nope, you will just never end up in a real relationship. And what could be worse than that??!