“Would she do it the same as she did back then?”

This video and song remind me so much of my mother-in-law.  After 25 years of marriage she decided to go back to school, finish her undergraduate degree, and she is now in her second year of physical therapy school. Her family is of course very proud of her.  

These accomplishes come with some downsides, though.  Her desire to return to school was born of a sort of “mid-life crisis” typically associated with men.  She lost a lot of weight, starting shopping in the junior’s section of department stores, got a boob job, got a sports car, had an affair with a 23 year old. All that good mid-life (or really, three-quarter’s life) crisis stuff.  As a result, she is currently separated from her husband and her relationship with her children (her son is my husband) is, as you can imagine, strained.  

As a married person, and as someone who believes in the importance of fidelity in marriage, I don’t support her affair. In my opinion, it is inexcusable. (I’m not saying all instances of adultery are inexcusable…sometimes people don’t have a good way out of their marriage, as in the case of a spouse who may be abusive).  Her husband is not abusive, she has plenty of resources (read: money) available to her, and if she wasn’t happy in her marriage, she should have left and gotten a divorce. Simple. There was no need to have an affair (with a guy younger than her kids) and hurt her entire family in the process.

With that said, I’m also able to see what this all does for her.  She is seeking fulfillment in a life that she was never able to live. A life most people live in their twenties. She married the day after she graduated high school. She was 6 months pregnant on her one year anniversary. Two years later, she was pregnant again. She managed a McDonald’s to help put her husband through pharmacy school. And for 25 years she played the wife/mom part. She took care of the house, took care of the kids, volunteered at church, etc. Then the kids grew up, moved out, and she got bored.  My husband tells me that she used to rearrange the furniture in the house all the time. She was just that damn bored.

As much as I disagree with some choices she has made, I get it.  I
see women who are dissatisfied with their lives as wives and mothers.
Who want something more for themselves. Who love their husbands and
their kids more than anything in the world but who would still like to
have a little something more.  Can we blame them? Can I really be mad at
her for doing what society told her she should do and then realizing
some years later that there might be other things she could do and enjoy
in addition to the whole marriage/motherhood thing?

I realize I’m sounding very Betty Freidan-y, Feminine Mystique-y,
oblivious-to-the-problems-of-women-who-arent-upper-middle-class-y, but
this is just what is going on in my family right now.  I’m determined to
not let this characterize me. I love my husband. One day I’ll have
children and I’ll love that. But it won’t define me.

Enjoy the vintage Reba. (Someone should write a post about women in
country music who, as far as I can tell, are in just about the only
mainstream genre that allows women to really sing and write about the
things they want to sing and write about..I digress).