The marriage conversation is a long one. But I liked what Silvana at Tiger Beatdown had to add to the subject:
The problem with marriage will not be fixed on the day that gay people are allowed to do it and DOMA is repealed, although that will help a lot. Jessica Bennett and Jesse Ellison make the case that marriage is no longer necessary, and thus they are swearing off it. That first part isn’t accurate. I think that marriage still provides social approval, legal protection, and financial security that a lot of people still desperately need. However, I do think that a world in which fewer people feel the need to get married is a better one.
A world where people can provide the full panoply of benefits to their partners without getting married is a better one. A world where we accept that relationships are fluid instead of pretending they are forever, is better. A world where we don’t have state-supported monogamy enforcement is better. A world where people don’t feel the need to enter into a legal contract to legitimize their relationships is better.
I want to bring that world into being. And since I’m benefiting from the privileges that I abhor by getting married, I’m going to work even harder at it. I don’t believe that “fighting from the inside” is better than “fighting from the outside,” but I do think I’ll have an opportunity to illuminate the way married privilege works to benefit the heterosexist patriarchy, by seeing it firsthand. I plan to take that opportunity.