Vintage Video Sexism: Kissing is for Whores

Be afraid. Be very afraid. Not hating on folks who choose to abstain or anything, but this movie — particularly the dad — will likely scare the effing shit out of you. So will the hair.

Transcript after the jump.
Via.

She’s sweet sixteen and never been kissed?
Never?
So what kind of guy does your dad want you to marry?
He wants me to marry a guy who’s never kissed a girl.
What?
He wants me to marry a guy who’s never kissed a girl.
You’re kidding.
Nope.
When you lie down on your wedding bed, what kind of man do you want your husband to be? Do you want him to have saved his love just for you? One who never even kissed another woman, so he can share that just with you? Or do you want a man who’s been with women before? One who kissed other women, and didn’t wait for you? Which one would you prefer?
I’d prefer the one who waited.
So would your husband.
What’s thing thing about kissing? I’ve kissed guys before and I don’t feel bad. Kissing’s fun. You’re really missing out.
So what’d you think of kissing? Did you like it?
I didn’t kiss him.
That’s not what I heard.
What did you hear? I heard that you and Jerry made out for a while in the living room.
That’s not true.
Maybe the lord is trying to teach you a lesson. If you’d obeyed your father, none of this would have happened.
I know.
Pamela, a kiss isn’t something you shouldn’t just give away. It’s very special. What does the minister say just after he’s pronounced the couple husband and wife? He says, “You may now kiss the bride.”
We made out and it was great. Then he said our relationship had reached a turning point and that if we really loved each other we should…
Jessica…was out with her boyfriend.
I told the lord that I wanted to marry the girl that he wanted me to, so I promised him that I wouldn’t kiss a girl until my wedding day. And if I did that, if I waited, he’d show me who the right girl was by bringing me someone who did the same thing. I know Pamela’s that girl.
I love you both.
Thanks dad.
Fredrick, you may now kiss your bride.