Performing Masculinity in Rihanna’s “Rude Boy”

I’ve been holding out on writing a post about this song, but it’s been playing like 5x a day on the radio lately (almost an incessant reminder “get to your computer, get to your computer”)… So here I am.
Let me be blunt. I am horrified by the lyrics in Rihanna’s newest song “Rude Boy.” EVERYTHING about it seems to uphold very narrow and traditional standards of masculinity. According to this song, a desirable man is one who is “big enough” and can basically get it up on command. Almost every single hip-hop and R&B song on the radio alludes to this type of performance, particularly of this sexual nature. In this song, however, it’s the main premise. My boyfriend, a hip-hop guru, always shares his thoughts with me on how this constructed sexuality is damaging for men. (If only he would do a guest-post on my blog!) First, if your shit isn’t 9 inches long, then just don’t even have sex. You’re a disgrace. If you ARE packing, then you better make sure you last ALL night and give the woman 10 orgasms because you need to prove how much more manly you are then all the other men she’s ever been with (Ew, this just gave me a flashback to John Mayer’s disgusting Playboy interview *trigger warning on that link!*). Forget that these are oppressively unrealistic standards. Forget that sex is something intimate, a sacred act between two individuals. Forget all that. It’s a performance! (At least, this is what these songs would have us believe.)

The part that makes me cringe the most though in Rihanna’s song? The repetitive demand to “TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT TAKE IT!”
Arggghhhhhh!! Honestly, what kind of world do we live in where we demand 1/2 of our population to “TAKE IT”?! The mere virtue of having a penis should NOT require you to endure violence and pain, should NOT require you to block and diminish any emotion you have– the very essence of what makes us human. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I’d put GOOD money on the idea that a world which fosters our humanity equally among the sexes is a world in which much less violence would occur. What makes me even more mad about this song is how she’s basically saying “Fuck you” to all the men who have endured domestic violence, rape and sexual abuse. And this DOES happen. (The fact that I even have to qualify that says it all. People just assume that since a man is a man, he can’t face abuse or violence from his partner. Bullshit.)
The one redeeming quality of this song? The sex-positivity in the last verse. I absolutely love these lyrics: “I like the way you touch me there/ I like the way you pull my hair/ Baby, if I don’t feel it, I ain’t faking no, no/ I like when you tell me kiss it here/ I like when you tell me move it there.”
Now that’s something we should be teaching our kids– that to communicate our wants and desires is both healthy and sexy. That our bodies are sacred and deserve pleasure. And that means figuring out what feels good to you and feeling comfortable enough to directly tell your partner.
Too bad right after that she says: “So giddy up, time to get it up/ You say you a rude boy/ Show me what you got now.”
Let the performance begin!
Sigh. Why oh why does sex-positivity for women have to come at the expense of liberating our men?!
It doesn’t.
Rihanna, you just suck.
(Sidenote: Lyrics aside…. the video is OFF THE HOOK!!!! I’m totally loving the 80’s, rastafari island feel of it all! I mean, LOVE. The amazingness of the video is actually what made me notice the song– too bad!)

Cross-posted from Radical Pinay