Ask Professor Foxy: How Much or Little Lube Is Normal?

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Dear Professor Foxy,
There’s an issue I’ve been struggling with for a few years now, and I’m never quite sure whether it’s physical or mental. In a nutshell: I have very little to no natural lubrication. Even when I masturbate to orgasm, I don’t see a noticeable difference in how wet I become. Now, I know that lubricants are around for this precise purpose, but I’m afraid that I’ve mentally blown this out of proportion and that it’s had a huge effect on how I think about my sexuality. I have very limited partnered experience, and now I worry about potential partners: how to bring up my anatomical oddity, the lack of spontaneity inherent to dabbling with lube, not to mention fretting that what my dryness really means is that I’m just scared to have sex. I don’t think this is it – I have no other hang-ups about the idea of penetrative sex, but I worry that my preoccupation with this problem can only make things worse in the lube department. An endless cycle of anxious fun! To top it off, I’ve recently had some issues with pesky infections (which I’m now hopefully treating), which means that I’ve been associating my vagina with anything but pleasure.
I guess what I’m hoping to hear is that other women deal just fine with not lubricating naturally and have good sex lives despite it. I’m just sick of thinking that I’m the only one who frets about whether she’s really turned on, and who gets thrown right out of erotica the moment a woman mentions how wet she’s getting…
Thank you!
Tired of Being Anxious

Hi TOBA –
As a sexuality educator, most of the questions I get fall into one large category: “what is normal? Am I normal?” The answer is that there is no normal and that applies here.
People’s naturally occurring lubricant varies widely: some folks become very wet very easily and stay wet, others produce very little and don’t stay wet, most are some place in between. The amount you produce will also change depending on where you are in your menstrual cycle and in your life (postmenopausal women tend to produce much less). What matters in almost the entire “am I normal” category of questions is how the person feels about whatever they are asking. With the amount of wondrous variation we all have, there is no normal, there is only acceptance.
You do not have an abnormal lack of wetness, you have wet is normal for you. The most important thing to do is to get to a place of acceptance about yourself and your body. I am not saying this is easy or an overnight process, but once you are there potential partners tend to follow. On the flip side, potential partners who are not accepting are rarely partners worth having.
Artificial lubricant has moved fully into mainstream sexual practice. Hell, even Wal-Mart carries it. I would suggest buying a bottle (not from Wal-Mart) and trying it out by yourself. See how it feels different to masturbate with lube and without. Which experience do you like better? Or do you like both and can now switch it up to keep things interesting. Babeland offers a sampler pack.
When you do have sexual experiences with others, I do not think there is a need to have a conversation with partners. Simply pull your bottle out and use the lube as necessary. Think of how sexy it will look when you apply it to yourself or your partner’s fingers, toys, or penis.
This can become natural to you as you begin to incorporate the lube. Many, many people use lube and even more people find it incredibly hot when their sexual partners have a bottle(s) ready. There are a plethora of lubes out there, find one that you can claim as your own. Love your body for what it does and does not do, others will follow.
Best,
Professor Foxy
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