By Jessica • 14 years ago

Why everyone should have pre-marital sex


You know, a common misconception people have about my work – especially when they see the book title The Purity Myth – is that because I argue that women shouldn’t be held up to some bizarre virginal ideal, I must be promoting promiscuity. Of course, this line of thinking is incredibly telling – too many people are only able to see women’s sexuality within the virgin/whore binary, so a sexuality or identity that’s nuanced or complex is beyond them. Because of this misconception, I spend a lot of time during clarifying that of course I don’t think virginity is bad thing, and naturally if people want to wait for marriage to have sex (assuming it’s legal for them to do so), they should.
But the thing is, that’s not entirely true. While I do believe that virginity is all well and good – my concern is really how women’s worth is tied to the concept, not whether or not people have sex – I also think there something to be said for arguing strongly for pre-marital sex.
Because, let’s face it – if you’re going to commit yourself to someone for (presumably) the rest of your life, it’s probably best if you know that you’re sexually compatible. I don’t think this is particularly radical thing to say; in fact, it seems quite logical to me. But somehow, if you suggest that pre-marital sex is a good and maybe even necessary thing (especially if you say those things while being a feminist) you are an evil, evil whoremaker.
Do I think that people can have perfectly wonderful satisfying relationships without having had sex before making a commitment? Sure, I’m positive that happens often. But considering what a huge role sexuality plays in our lives and relationships…well, I’d rather be super duper positive.
Picture via the Abstinence Clearinghouse.

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