“Can’t Rape the Willing”

This is a rant on the phrase “can’t rape the willing,” which, in recent days, I’ve heard many more people say.
About a week ago, I was telling some friends about a new hair salon in the Hampton Roads area (my hometown) in which attractive stylists are hired simply for that reason, as to attract more men. “Hot chicks cutting your hair,” is their selling point, and you can sort of think of it as yet another Hooter’s, except there are no wings and fried pickles, or the kick-ass roasted oysters, for that matter.
In response, one of my friends wrote me back: “But is anyone forcing those women? You can’t rape the willing.” This, for me, shows great lack of insight on the plights of women, as well as the challenges women face economically. For this, I’ll try to frame the arguments through the lens of, firstly, economic choices, and secondly, as rape itself.

Firstly: there is a difference between “will” and “desire.” That is, while I am willing to follow the law, I don’t often necessarily “desire” to follow the law. But my choices are limited – either I follow the law or I go to jail.
The same applies for some women who enter into industries that use their bodies as a selling point. While those jobs may not seem “desirable,” some women are “willing” to take those jobs based on the limited choices they have.
If you’re given a choice, as a college student, between failing out of school or selling your body, in some instances, you do sell your body. What this speaks of, then, is the lack of choices women are given – and as well, that they lack the economic autonomies to make actual decisions. Limited choices, then, aren’t truly choices, but rather, something forced upon women. In some cases, I do buy into the argument that porn, indeed, is rape.
Couple women’s lack of choices with societal messages of what women are actually good for, it’s no wonder why some women “choose” to enter into industries in which they have to sell their bodies. I am not saying these women are making these choices out of ignorance, I am merely saying these women make choices because they have no other choice.
Is a choice really a choice, then, when it’s between a rock and a hard place? Did women pre- Roe v. Wade really have a choice then? Surely, they could have had the baby and ruin their careers, they could have spent thousands of dollars to go to states in which abortions were legal, or, they could induce their own abortions, risking deaths. If we understand choices in terms of reproductive justice, then why are we still blind when it comes to women’s lack of economic autonomies?
On the subject of rape, framing through the same arguments, while no one “desires” to be raped, given the choices between getting your throat cut or being raped, for some, rape is a choice – albeit not much of a choice. Given society’s victim-blaming mentalities, and the heteronormative attitudes about dating and sexuality, most certainly, some women would be willing to lay there while a date or boyfriend has sex with her when she doesn’t want to have sex . This, most certainly, is the definition of rape, is it not? What does this mean then?
It means, for me, that in these situations in which women are faced with making tough choices, power as well as gender and economics come into play. It also means that the next time you are decide to say that some women are making choices out of their free will, check your privilege, because it may not always be what it seems.