Anti-feminist Mailbag: “Please Stop” Edition


It’s that time, folks! Here’s a gem from someone who just couldn’t understand what us “feminists” want:

i don’t get it. what do you ‘feminists’ want? you got your equal rights, you can vote join the army and do everything a man can do. feminism made sense back in 1800 but now it just seems like you don’t want to be equal, you want to be better that men. the law is already in favor in women. if a woman consensually has sex with a man, and later says that he raped her just because she wanted some attention the man would most likely have to go to jail, for nothing. Sure there are some men who are sexist, but by being so extreme about this aren’t you ‘feminists’ being sexist as well. it seems to me like all ‘feminists’ are completely insane and power mad, or have been brainwashed by other feminists. so back to my point: i don’t see the point and i would much appreciate it you would stop.
thanks in advance for taking your time to explain!

So after much deliberation, we’ve made a group decision among the editors to adhere to this person’s wishes – this will be our last official post on Feministing.com. Kidding!! Too…power…mad…to…stop…
Now back to our daily brainwashing.

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55 Comments

  1. Terrils
    Posted October 19, 2009 at 4:17 pm | Permalink

    Everything you said – yes. Thank you. I agree that it’s not the job of the “oppressed” (quotation marks because, in honesty, it’s a stronger label than I feel comfortable using in discussing a group of educated, mostly reasonably privileged feminists, not to denigrate oppression that has no doubt occurred to members of the group) to educate the “oppressor” – but who will if we don’t? Not them. They can’t even see it (sexism – you’re soaking in it). Someone has to help them see it. Why not those of us who’ll benefit from them seeing it? If they come to us with even a bit of an open mind, why not help?

  2. Terrils
    Posted October 19, 2009 at 4:21 pm | Permalink

    These gender movements for both men and women want the same thing, equality for both men and women. So why aren’t we on the same side?
    Because too many men think that to raise women to their level in society = lowering men. They feel they lose rights when others gain them. They lose power and privilege, yes – and boy do they not want to. Why would the top dog ever willingly step down, even if the stepping places him, not below, but equal to the other dogs? That’s a level of generosity that isn’t commonplace.

  3. Dagny
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 8:43 am | Permalink

    I have to agree with you on this one, and I think Michael Kimmel makes a good point about the fact that feminism is not a “zero sum game.” In order to find commonalities that will allow good men and women to come together and find ways to address the gross social inequities, we have to be willing to step away from the defensiveness [on *both* sides] and come in wiling to negotiate.
    It isn’t as if men are going to suddenly decide to “step down from power”[as if that were even possible], it’s more about finding ways to lift others *up* so that the system works for everyone. What doesn’t seem to be helping women reach this aim is the tendency to come at the problems in a way that lays blame solely on men [although, as a historian, I understand the reasons *why* women feel this way! The personal *is* political]. Dr. Kimmel’s book points out the ways in which men are deeply socialized to react to their position in society, and, personally, I think that figuring out ways to break this destructive cycle are just as important as finding ways for women to stand up and be strong and outspoken.
    I guess the key for me is to generate conversations that will allow both men and women to come together and actually talk about these issues in ways that will allow for greater understanding of the struggles both groups face. I am not suggesting that all men [or women] are equally invested in doing this, but I do think that there are a lot more of us who would *like* to have these conversations than the media leads us to believe.
    Just my thoughts on an issue that is of great importance.
    Thank you.
    Dagny
    What the Hell Are You Talking About?
    http://whayta09.wordpress.como

  4. jmbehrens
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 12:56 pm | Permalink

    Assuming — and I can’t tell exactly from the person’s e-mail — this e-mail is genuine in its intentions, don’t you think it’d be better to write the individual back instead of taking shots at him (assuming its a him) on the blog? Isn’t it our responsibility to engage people who are so obviously misguided?
    I agree the emphasized part was overly pejorative, but still, might this person be asking in earnest?

  5. heavenlydevils
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 11:42 pm | Permalink

    Men don’t think that bringing women up lowers their status IF women are even “down” at all. Men do believe there are some inequalities when it comes to the legal system and how men are treated in rape, divorce, and child custody cases. One of the many stories I actually wrote about at my site, http://www.heavenlydevils.com/?p=2954
    The definition of a man has changed, a bit for the better, a bit for the worse. In my honest opinion I think the roles of each vary depending on the relationship you’re in. In some relationships it works when the woman does the things a man would traditionally do and vice versa. I don’t think there is a problem with that but when society and feminist groups push the issue that men aren’t able to take care of their kids as well as the child’s mother can I think you deal the feminist movement a major blow. This is what I think the email received wants to deal with.
    If only a woman can properly take care of the children what can men only do? If it’s ok for a woman to have a monopoly on something, such as child custody, what should men have a monopoly on?
    I don’t think either should have a monopoly on anything, but saying you want equality but not calling out all types of inequality only hurts your cause.
    I don’t think all feminists are insane nor do I think all men are saints, but the only way to reach that next level where true equality exists is to work together and call out all inequalities.

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