It’s Time To Stop Being Polite and Start Getting … Bisexual?

About a week ago I accompanied two friends to a bar on a Saturday afternoon with a two-fold goal: indulge in some mid-afternoon happy hour specials, and watch the two of them audition for The Real World.

As a middle schooler, rerun marathons of The Real World:Boston were my first exposure to a lot of contoversial social issues, and in the conservative south was definitely my first exposure to gay/lesbian culture. I thought it was about breaking boundaries in our generation. For anyone who hasn’t seen/heard of this show, it’s changed slightly in it’s almost 20 ensuing seasons since Boston. These days  it’s a little less "let’s put people from different political/social/religious/economic backgrounds together and see what happens" and a little more "how much of a shitshow can we get away with."

And apparently these days, the edge everyone feels you need to get on this show is to be of an alternative sexuality. When my two friends emerged from their group interview (10 people in room at once), the first comment I got to my question of "how’d it go?"  was "every single girl in there was bisexual."

Every interviewee was asked at the beginning of the interview to state their name and where they were from. My friend said "hey, I’m James, I’m from Boston." The girl next to him said "I’m so-and-so, and I’m bisexual." Which last time I checked, is at best a very loose interpretation of "my location of birth/origin."

Let me first say that yes, it is possible that all six of those girls are bisexual. If so, awesome! I’m glad they all feel comfortable enough to embrace their sexuality so openly. I am not, however, thrilled that they are using it as a diversity gimick to get on a reality show. Look at me! I kiss boys AND girls, and I promise I’ll do it on the show for all of America to see!

What I dislike even more is the thought that even one of those girls was lying about being bisexual in order to better fit with what they thought the casting directors of The Real World Season 24 were looking for. As a bisexual women myself, I still struggle with openness and identity. And I struggle with people taking my sexuality seriously. If even one of those girls girls was using bisexuality as an attention-grabbing gimick, it undermines the very real struggles of people all over the world who identify as bisexual.

I am very very in favor of exploring your sexuality, and that includes blurring the lines and cutting your own path. I think sexuality can be flexible, and I can definitely believe that lots more people would enjoy making out or being sexual with both genders if they were more open to it. But that also means we all need to be willing to be who we are, not try to be something we’re not just to be accepted or liked. Gay men and women shouldn’t have to pretend to be straight; straight men and women shouldn’t have to pretend to be bisexual to be considered "cool" and "edgy."

What should be cool and edgy is to be comfortable with yourself, and to embrace whatever form your sexuality takes because it’s a part of you, not because it makes you sexy or because it’ll get you attention. But apparently that’s not very "real."