Feminist Romance

Often, traditional romance seems based on the old trope of aggressive males pursuing passive females. However in many cases this indirectly romanticizes rape, since the women don’t actively express their own desires, or at least rarely act upon them. Rather it is up to the men to chase the women, follow them to their homes, and block them from leaving because he just can’t live without you! For example, in the first “Twilight” book the guy sneaks into the girls bedroom to watch her sleep. He is technically breaking and entering yet it is considered highly romantic.
There are also problems for men. If the guy if expected to constantly chase after the girl, that represents a huge investment of time, money, energy, and emotion. Meanwhile he may or may not really find that he likes the other person after a few dates. Also men tend to be rated on the quality of the dates they provide rather than their actual characteristics. Also, in some cases it can lead to true heartbreak. On the website girlsaskguys.com a women asked “Why don’t men chase women anymore?” In addition to the many answers citing changing cultural attitudes, one male answerer talked about girls who break up with their boyfriends when they don’t really want to. The original question asker countered that it could be romantic if the guy stopped her from leaving him. However it is still incredibly heart breaking for the guy, who effectively is having his emotions toyed with.
Often the two parties in a heteonormative relationship can have wildly different goals for their relationship. This is sometimes jokingly referred to as the “Battle of the Sexes”. Of course the stereotypes about what men and women want in a relationship are not necessarily true, but they do represent certain ideals that get pounded into people’s heads. Men want to be the guy with the hot girlfriend. Women want to be the girl with the great boyfriend. However these two are often mutually exclusive. Often relationships are ruined when men and women refuse to abandon their gender specific ideals
Personally I prefer a relationship based simply on a mutual appreciation of the other person and desire to be together. I.e. you like them as a person, so you want to be with them. Then romance is defined simply as anything that confirms and/or nurtures the love in that relationship. While I understand that feminists are typically critical of such traditional forms of romance, I doubt that they have anything against romance in of itself, despite the stereotype.
So then how does one get past these old romantic ideas?
How does one form a romantic relationship of equals?
What sort of feminist literature exists on the subject of love and romance? What does feminist romance look like?