What We Missed

Filament, an erotic magazine for women featuring semi-naked men, can’t get a printer to publish photographs of aroused men, even though their readers say it’s what they’d like to see.
Nancy Griffin, a tennis player in Raleigh, is suing the city for refusing to let her play against men. An actual quote from the article: “Men have invoked both their wives and God to avoid matches against her.” Wowzer.
For an -ism (sizeism, classism…) packed punch from the New York Times, don’t miss this piece on J.C. Penney coming to Manhattan’s Herald Square.
New study indicates that the choice of major explained 19 percent of the income gap between college-educated men and women.
What else did you find interesting today?

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  1. maco
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 1:47 am | Permalink

    If your fat content is such that it is taking a toll on your body, that is a bad thing. We should strive to be healthy. Rolls of fat are no healthier than being a walking skeleton. Why are women who way more than their knees and backs can support defended while anorexics are looked down upon? Both are in bad shape.

  2. maco
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 1:52 am | Permalink

    Fatema? African American? Looks like an alternate spelling for the Arab name Fatima…as in the name half of the women in Mohamed’s family had.

  3. maco
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 1:56 am | Permalink

    What if you have mammary glands, internal sex organs, and XY chromosomes? You know, androgyn insensitivy syndrome? Then, are you a man or a woman?

  4. maco
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 1:58 am | Permalink

    By the way, there are plenty of no-op transgender people…in case no one explained that to you yet. Usually transmen are no-op because SRS is a waste of money. Can’t create a decent penis.

  5. shelilia
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:03 am | Permalink

    NO its transphobic! Have we not discussed this enough? Go educate yourself!!

  6. Unequivocal
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:13 am | Permalink

    That’s kind of dismissive and insulting to trans men who have chosen to have that surgery.

  7. A male
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:34 am | Permalink

    When looking at male models with erections, do people care if he is a firefighter or librarian, or that his hobby is collecting baseball cards?

  8. A male
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:40 am | Permalink

    Remaining a virgin until marriage is punishable by a sentence of indeterminate length.

  9. Doug S.
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 3:17 am | Permalink

    Indeed, teaching is important, but an individual teacher usually isn’t. (You’ll die without water, but one glass of water isn’t very valuable.) Teaching scales very poorly; a teacher can handle at most, what, thirty students at a time? You can reach far more people per hour of work by writing a textbook or making a YouTube video than you can by giving a classroom lecture.
    This certainly doesn’t excuse ridiculous CEO pay, though. :P

  10. Tenya
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 3:30 am | Permalink

    This is reminiscent of any discussion of race as an empowering discussion = racist. Femininity and masculinity are thereby sexist concepts, resulting in any discussion of preference or distinction as sexist. I do not buy this line of reasoning.
    I find the idea of entirely dismissing gender as merely a social construct we can do without repugnant because it tells me there is something wrong with considering myself a woman or a man. Why, is there something wrong with one or the other? Society and culture do not work like that. Culture makes us as much as we make it. It gives us context in our lives and thoughts and actions. I do not find it sexist to celebrate or be attracted to or acknowledge gender. Doing so in a spiteful, competitive way that tramples one side yes, but not the simple fact that gender exists. Regulating gender down to items such as wearing make-up or pants is not really what makes up being a different gender. Woman (or man) is an identity that goes so far beyond that, and I do not believe that biological characteristics determine that either, it is additionally inconsequential to me whether they have biologically male parts or female parts or whether they are surgical enhancements designed to resemble them. What would be the benefit of being a “feminine” man (your words) over a woman in this cultural context of re-defined gender? Nothing, because they would still be utilizing traits of a gender, femininity. So then what do they become? A, er… person! Just a person with some traits! An undefined gray space. That is not a world I want to live in. I like my femininity, I like exploring exactly what it means to be a woman, where exactly the biological and cultural meet, and I am happy to share it with whomever wants to. I am also happy to share space with those who do not, and prefer to define themselves differently in terms of their gender. Thus the idea of having a female mind does not offend because I take in the spirit of identifying, entirely, with the concept of femininity.
    Besides which, in your “why do they need surgery?” question, the answer in this case would lie in wanting to be in a prison where your gender doesn’t make you fear for your life repeatedly.

  11. Jenshine
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 3:49 am | Permalink

    I don’t even know where to start with this comment. I would suggest reading some Trans 101 to educate yourself a bit on trans-issues. I identify as a ciswoman, so I’m not in the position to speak for Ms.Johnson as to why she’s talking about transitioning from being a male to a female.
    From my perspective, our genders inform our conceptualisations of biological categories of sex. And our markers of what is biologically determined as sex are sometimes conflictual–ie. genetic determinants of sex can conflict with physiological determinants of sex. Have you ever read anything by Emily Martin? She has a great article titled “The Egg and the Sperm” where she discusses the social constitution of the biological processes of reproduction. Might be worthwhile for you to read it.
    I’d suggest reading some of Monica Roberts’ writings at transgriot (http://transgriot.blogspot.com/). It might help you recognise some of your cisprivilege.

  12. Spiffy McBang
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 4:21 am | Permalink

    “If you’d read my post you’d have noticed that I said people who ducked challenges should be considered forfeits/losers.”
    I did read that. That’s why it sounded like you meant they should be compelled to actually play the match. She’s essentially suing to change the rule back so that people who duck her challenges get hit with a loss. Right now they don’t.

  13. Spiffy McBang
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 4:26 am | Permalink

    “Why are women who way more than their knees and backs can support defended while anorexics are looked down upon?”
    Because overweight women have been shit on for several decades based on nothing besides their weight while anorexics were, for a time, held up as the literal model standard.
    Actually, I see very little backlash towards anorexics today and never really have witnessed much at all; attention paid to them tends to be of the “they have a disorder and need help” type.

  14. RoseRose
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 5:12 am | Permalink

    Actually, high school teachers can have 120-150 students or more (25-40 each period, varying numbers of periods, different class sizes depending on district), and that’s per year. Assuming the classes are all one grade level (which depends on the size of the school) or at the very least, no repeats, that’s 10 years to reaching 1,000 people. Slower than a Youtube video, but I can say I remember teachers for far longer than the vast majority of Youtube videos, even politically important ones.
    As for writing a textbook, yeah, you could reach more… IF schools adopted your textbook… if someone published it in the first place.
    As of now, textbooks AREN’T doing anything other than being blandly pro-America… in such a way they aren’t even good at THAT, at least in history. Read “Lies My Teacher Told Me” (I don’t have the author right now, the book is being loaned out) for evidence that textbooks are bad, and that it’s really difficult to get a textbook that’s not bad published and sold.
    (I admit, I’m biased. I’m training to be a teacher right now… in a program VERY oriented towards social justice)

  15. aleks
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 6:07 am | Permalink

    Ok, she is not suing to have them dragged to the court in chains and forced to play against her or spend decades at Robbin Island. She is suing to have them penalized to a much lesser extent than exile to a frontier continent, or burning at the stake. If by “compelled” I’d meant physically forced to play her, or face extreme loss of life or freedom, I’d have been wrong. I’m not sure why that possibility needed addressing, but now it has been. No one will be shot in the head for refusing to play her.
    Regardless, she is not suing to be allowed to play against men. She is suing to encourage recalcitrant men from refusing to play against her, or be punished. I hope she wins.

  16. aleks
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 6:17 am | Permalink

    Ugh, Robben Island.

  17. Pharaoh Katt
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 6:32 am | Permalink

    “Penises are only erect when being used for sex, generally speaking.”
    Um, that’s the point. Erotic magazines are supposed to make you think of sex. Erect Penis = visualisation of male sex.
    Can you honestly not see how this would be pleasing to straight/bi women and gay/bi men?

  18. zp27
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 7:49 am | Permalink

    This goes to Gretchen below as well: He did serve his time, and I don’t want him languishing in prison forever. Fair enough. And yes, he deserves to work. But the man didn’t just run dog fights, he tortured animals to death. Why does he get a pass back into a life of extreme privilege? Why does he get to get a life of leisure?
    To address your other questions-animal shelters kill animals because they can’t place them. The motive is not cruelty, and most shelters try to euthanize animals in a manner to cause them as little pain as possible. As for the meat industry in general-I agree, disgusting, I’m a vegetarian for that reason-but that, at least, is for a purpose. People eat chickens. I think there’s a huge difference between what those organizations do, and what Vick did. And no, I don’t want the man crucified, but why bring him back to the NFL? Why shouldn’t he just go back to a normal life? The fans feel betrayed.
    I’m glad that he is doing some animal rights activism, but I have no way to know what’s in his heart, and what he did is pretty f-ed up. And I think this counts as a pass.

  19. FrumiousB
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 8:54 am | Permalink

    Look harder. For one thing, anyone skinny is automatically called anorexic. Hey guess what, you can’t diagnose mental illness just by looking. You know what else? Some women are naturally skinny. At age 38, I have finally crested 115. My ribs show. My hip bones stick out. My knees are knobby, as are my elbows, wrists, and ankles. My metatarsals are clearly visible. I neither diet nor exercise, and I am not anorexic. I do get very tired of hearing terms like “walking skeleton” though. That’s hatred.

  20. FrumiousB
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 8:59 am | Permalink

    Of course! It gives background material for wank fantasies:
    “I threw him down on the firehouse table, scattering the baseball cards which had been carefully arranged…”

  21. FrumiousB
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 9:03 am | Permalink

    Big difference between killing animals and torturing animals. Dog fighting is torture.

  22. jellyleelips
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 9:31 am | Permalink

    Maco, I hear you. I’m 34-28-38 and jeans are a nightmare.
    However, you and I are still pretty small, and even if I go into a store and can’t find clothes that I like or jeans that fit my hips and ass properly, I am STILL SKINNY. Bigger girls don’t have the problem of not finding clothes that fit just right; they often can’t find clothes that fit at all. So yes, it sucks to have a tiny waist and wide hips in a smaller sense, but not really, because at least we can shop in most stores. Imagine going to a mall and having 3 clothing stores to shop in instead of 30.

  23. Athenia
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    But if it’s a mag for women…..why would men be looking at it in the first place?
    The mag is awknowledging female desire that’s not dependent on a real live man. The writer hit it spot on…..society subconscienously believes that sex is something done to a woman by a man….and anything that takes that out of the equation is threating.

  24. GrowingViolet
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 9:56 am | Permalink

    No kidding. For as long as I’ve been conscious of these kinds of things, it’s been the feminist norm to express “concern” for the well-being of slender women by calling them anorexic (and implying that eating disorders come from being too dumb to resist patriarchal brainwashing), “theorizing” about eating disorders without trying to learn about them in order to advance an existing point. Meanwhile, any disagreement or critique of anything related to fat acceptance anything is called “concern trolling” or fatphobic.

  25. GrowingViolet
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 10:03 am | Permalink

    “Why are women who way more than their knees and backs can support defended while anorexics are looked down upon?”
    Because overweight women have been shit on for several decades based on nothing besides their weight while anorexics were, for a time, held up as the literal model standard.

    That sounds way too close to “two wrongs make a right” for my comfort. Looking down on someone who’s suffering from a mental illness does not pass muster.

  26. GrowingViolet
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 10:04 am | Permalink

    Sorry, the second paragraph should have been italicized as quoted as well.

  27. Jennifer S.
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 10:10 am | Permalink

    Yeah, I mean, when was the last time you saw an erotic picture of a girl without erect nipples? Looking pale and unexcited? We like our erotic images to show people in states of arousal, duh!

  28. Athenia
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 10:36 am | Permalink

    Yeah, I wonder if that’s part of the issue…..like women don’t necessarily look different when their aroused vs not aroused.

  29. maco
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 11:27 am | Permalink

    That’s how I was growing up. I was a picky eater and only liked vegetables. Candy, cookies, and soda were not allowed in the house. Consequently, I ate a rather low-fat, low-sugar diet. All the other girls on the cheerleading squad accused me of being anorexic because I didn’t feel the need gorge myself like they did or share their taste for fried chicken.
    My mom was the same way as a child. Her mother force-fed her to try to make people stop saying my grandmother must be starving her. She simply would not gain weight.
    I’ve gained weight since candy, cookies, and soda were allowed into the house when I was 13. My dad getting an ice cream store sealed the deal, and I gained a lot of weight. I was very out of shape.
    I’m in better shape now since I eat mostly vegan (I’m lactose intolerant, dislike eggs, and dislike meat), walk a few miles a day (cheaper than taking the bus), drink fruit juice or water instead of soda most of the time. I eat a chocolate bar every week or two and usually one vegan cupcake each week. Vegan cupcakes (dairy-free icing) used to involve walking 3 miles each way to the vegan bakery, but I just moved into an apartment that’s only a few blocks from it :D Occasionally I splurge and eat a half a box of Oreos in one sitting, but that’s not daily anymore.
    For the first time ever, I’m really happy with my body. It could be better, sure. I could be strong enough to defend myself or have the endurance to run away when men on the street threaten me, but as far as being in a spot where things feel balanced: I’m there.

  30. Rhoanna
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 12:15 pm | Permalink

    “Gender” as a social construction is someone’s theory. Gender roles and expression are certainly socially constructed, but gender identity (that is, what makes trans people trans) likely isn’t. Also, there are butch trans women and femme trans men, which ought to make the distinction between gender expression and gender identity even more clear.
    Even if we lived in some genderless utopia, there would still be trans people who felt their body was wrong and would pursue treatment/surgery. But even if there wouldn’t be, there are trans people now, and they need to be able to pursue whatever treatments are necessary for them now, even if it runs counter to some perceived ideal society you have. Because, for many trans people, such treatments really are necessary – the other option is often depression, self-harm or suicide.
    How is “female mind” sexist? Her mind says she’s female, wouldn’t that make it a female mind?

  31. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 12:29 pm | Permalink

    But do you know how an anorexic is treated on a day to day basis, among other human beings? I mean – the only example it seems like you can go by is like a talk show. I’m a very skinny – non-anorexic. I’m constantly being accused of being anorexic, people go “eeeeeew you are so skinny” “You have no ass” “your legs are as skinny as my arms!!!” “You need to eat more” “you should grow more curves” “guys don’t like women without breasts” etc etc. The really messed up part about it – most of these comments come from other women. I always suspected people picked me apart out of jealousy (because I’m one of those annoying people that doesn’t have to exercise or count calories to stay thin).
    You wouldn’t believe the list of degrading shit people have said to me.
    The one thing I WILL point out though, anorexics certainly don’t have to deal with OTHER sizest issues that fat people have to deal with – like they can fit into every chair made, can get through any small spaces, can fit in airplane seats etc. I agree that this is a way that fat people are shit on by society that anorexics don’t have to deal with.

  32. TD
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 12:29 pm | Permalink

    So one man not wanting to look at another mans penis is homophobia? That’s a lot more than just a stretch of logic.

  33. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 12:36 pm | Permalink

    THANK YOU. I am ALSO skinny as hell and definitely NOT anorexic. I got my dads genes – he was 6ft tall at 110 LBS at my age. He’s filled out more now – along his waste line but he’s still just as skinny everywhere else.
    “walking skeleton” IS VERY offensive. I’ve had to deal with a lot of people putting down and picking apart my body. I know what people are implying when they say I need to eat more, I know that they are trying to be hurtful when they say, “eeeew you are soooo skinny”
    I’ve been compared to rakes, pencils, ironing boards, – basically, all kinds of objects. It seems like it’s only tolerated because “models are skinny” – even though most of us who are skinny, don’t look like models either.

  34. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 12:49 pm | Permalink

    The weird thing is that almost every guy I know watches hardcore porn – which has lots of hard penis in it… But every single time, I’m with the same guy friends and a limp penis is flashed in a movie – they are all like “eeeeew”. I’m always like WTF? You’ll jerk off watching other mens dicks – but it freaks you out in a regular film?!?!
    I honestly don’t get that contradiction.

  35. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 1:10 pm | Permalink

    I think that if women are forced to feel uncomfortable during EVERY SINGLE movie by having to be forced to watch naked women – then men should have to deal with that same experience – see their girlfriends eyes glued to that. I hate watching most movies these days – because it seems like a lot of them are so poorly made – they have to throw some T&A (of women mostly) in them, just to boost sales (ex: harold and kumar excape… – There were like 100 naked women in that movie and the only time they showed a penis, it was totally fake).
    When I’m watching a movie with my boyfriend and some naked women appear – if I go to the remote to FF through that section – I’m automatically called “jealous” – when, in fact, I really just don’t feel like watching naked women – especially ones with fake boobs (very few movies these days show female breasts that are actually real) because I think they look hideous and I’m just not into it (seeing real breasts doesn’t bother me as much). It never occurs to men that maybe some women don’t like watching other naked women. Not to mention – in like every single movie that shows naked women – their sexualities are shown the same, exact, generic way (which is another reason I don’t like watching sex scenes or movies that show strip joints).
    But men have it so fucking easy… If they say “ewe” when a penis is flashed for a fraction of a second in a movie – no one questions it, no one says, “Oh, you are just jealous.” It’s a pretty bad double standard.
    This discussion reminds me of that joke Ron White told.

  36. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 1:25 pm | Permalink

    I agree 100% – look at popular mainstream porn for example… Hardly any of the sex being had looks like it stimulates the woman and were positions that are painful for most women (I’ve noticed in most porn – women RARELY have hard clits). Most of the oral sex scenes are men getting blow jobs. When there is two men and one woman in a porn – she’s expected to pleasure both of them at the same time but if there are two women – with one man – both of those women are focusing on him and usually he ain’t doin’ a damn thing.
    I’m not sure if porn causes men to think this way about sex (though I suspect it plays a part) or if porn is more of a symptom of attitudes in general. Every freaking guy I dated, had to be told to return the favor. It’s the most humiliating thing to have to tell your partner that you are angry and hurt because they didn’t give a shit about getting you off or pleasuring you. It wasn’t just one guy I had to tell this too – it’s been all of them. All of which viewed porn fairly regularly.
    So now, men are controlling porn mags for women…. UGH.

  37. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 1:39 pm | Permalink

    I agree. I’m one of those women that would rather not see other naked women (unless I’m at a nude beach or something – in THOSE kinds of cases, nudity is not an issue for me). I HATE having to constantly see naked women in every single movie that is rated R. It’s not that I think women are ugly or that I am afraid I’ll turn into a lesbian – I just prefer not to look at naked women. I’m attracted to naked men… It’s definitely not homophobic.
    I think the penis thing though, is more about penis envy. If a man catches his wife/gf with one of these mags full of boners – he’s going to start feeling like just about every woman in the US feels when their bf’s are gauking at women with bigger boobs or flatter abs etc. I think guys are afraid of feeling like they might have to compete with paper and plastic the same way that women do.

  38. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    yeah but what is a female mind? Explain that. What mind traits do you have that men in this world don’t? Or what mind traits do men have that women don’t?
    I think when we try to break down “minds” using gender – we really run into a lot of trouble.

  39. Newbomb Turk
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:09 pm | Permalink

    “I threw him down on the firehouse table, scattering the baseball cards which had been carefully arranged…”

    WOW! You’re getting me hot with that one!
    You should write more! GRRRRRRR!

  40. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:19 pm | Permalink

    I think the problem with that “female mind” is that it can come of like, “Females think like this” and “males think like that.” – it’s probably not what she meant but that is how it can be misinterpreted.

  41. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:34 pm | Permalink

    but that doesn’t explain why a mag for women can’t have erect penis. How long does it take to take a picture??? I hope it doesn’t take four hours, or they should get a new photographer.
    The point is, a lot of women are arroused by an erect penis. And if a magazine is made to arouse women – then erect penis should be in it!
    The basic point is that almost every porn caters to what men want, what turns men on and even when they do attempt to make porn made for women – it can’t meet ONE demand.
    I mean – obviously this magazine is going to flop anyway (no pun) – no girls are going to buy porn mags with men and limp dicks – for the same reason men don’t buy porns with men trying to have sex with limp dicks.

  42. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:50 pm | Permalink

    I honestly think that most farms are just as cruel as Micheal Vick. I don’t think there is a “reason” to eat meat – other then for taste and human desire to eat meat, dairy and eggs. Even small farms treat animals horribly – in my opinion. Wouldn’t people get outraged if I killed off some kittens because they were born the wrong sex? And then when being questioned about it, I’m like, “But male kittens don’t sell as well and it cost money for me to feed them – so I kill them in order to make profits.” – this is basically how animal farms work. Male chicks – who needs em? Male calves? They are better off dead… Not to mention – cows are basically raped by human beings to make them pregnant. They are FORCED to have babies and then those babies are ripped away for “profit”.
    The only reason Michael Vick gets all this attention is because most people think dogs deserve rights but cows and chickens don’t.

  43. MLF
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 2:57 pm | Permalink

    Factory farms don’t torture animals? vivisection labs don’t torture animals????!?!
    I’m sorry but people don’t simply kill animals for food – they are kept in tight small places where they can’t move. Many injustices are placed on animals in factory farms… cows are raped by human beings to impregnate them for milk, male calves are slaughtered off for veal (who knows how the cows feel about this), chickens STUFFED into battercages – and have their beaks cut off. people think that if they are paying someone else to do the torture and they aren’t doing it directly themselves – somehow they aren’t responsible. But it takes people purchasing things from these markets, for the market to exist in the first place.

  44. Kat
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

    There’s an overlap in the U.S. between Arabic or Arabic inspired names and “black” names. A lot of the African origin names given to black women in the U.S. are from areas of Africa with an Arabic/Islamic influence, and black women are also more likely than white women to give their children names from other ethnic groups. And of course, there are black Muslims in the U.S. who take on Arabic names either at birth or after conversion.
    “Latifah” is a good example. I thought of Latifah as a black name growing up because I had known or heard of only African American women and girls named Latifah (most famously Queen Latifah) and learned later when I began studying Arabic that it was an Arabic word/name. Same with “Aaliyah.”

  45. Spiffy McBang
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 4:14 pm | Permalink

    To everyone that’s replied to me: I appreciate the enlightenment. Where I grew up… let’s just say anorexia was not an issue. Ever. I was not aware people are routinely called that when it’s not the case.

  46. Kat
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 4:16 pm | Permalink

    For example, below is a list of “whitest” and “blackest” childrens’ names in the U.S., based on likelihood of a child of either race having that name. Several of the black names, including number one, are Arabic origin.

  47. maco
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 5:21 pm | Permalink

    I’m just repeating what I’ve been told by transmen. There’s not enough tissue to make a penis more than a couple inches long. They can graft skin on to make it longer, but it won’t be able to get hard. Surgeons just haven’t figured out a way to do it *well* yet, like they have for transwomen.

  48. Kathleen6674
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 5:50 pm | Permalink

    The Store Normally Known As Wanamakers (a Philly fixture) was first a Lord and Taylor’s and is now a Macy’s. Macy’s is taking over the world. I can’t afford a damn thing in that place.

  49. Kathleen6674
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 5:53 pm | Permalink

    Or that they really want to study the craft of acting!

  50. Kathleen6674
    Posted August 14, 2009 at 6:07 pm | Permalink

    I’ve gone shopping in the past 10 years, during which I’ve gained about 50 pounds. It is much, much easier to find clothes when you’re skinny. I’m built like you, just bigger, (and in fact had very similar measurements when I was slimmer – if I recall correctly, I was about 35-26-37/38), and the hip/waist ratio thing is a major pain, but you CAN find some clothes that fit your hips and get them tailored to fit your waist.
    I literally cannot buy pants in H&M because they don’t go above a 16 (which is about the size of a 14 in most American stores). They don’t come close to fitting my hips, so there’s no way I can even buy a pair and get them tailored. Then when I find clothes that do fit my hips in a ‘special’ store or department, I STILL have the same hip/waist problem, I just have far fewer stores to find clothes I need to get tailored. I can’t shop at the majority of mall or chain stores, and forget boutiques.

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