Handling a little boy who wants to experiment.

I’ve been babysitting this one little boy, who’s now 7, for about two years. His mother is a very conservative, born-again Christian who is not cool with gay folks. She has the book and DVDs of "Bringing Up Boys" in her house — yes, by James Dobson, the man from Focus on the Family who believes that homosexuality is a disorder that can be cured, and whose idea of raising a boy is staunchly encouraging him to do nothing but Manly Man Things. So allow me to preface by saying that dealing with this woman is pretty much the feminist nightmare, for these and a variety of other reasons.

Right, so, cut to a couple of nights ago, I’m babysitting him with my friend who babysits him a lot more often than I do, so she knows the ins-and-outs of every single rule, every behavioral problem, every routine, etc. She just knows how to handle things — and, despite the fact that she’s very much on our side when it comes to LGBT issues, she knows the kid’s mother well and abides by her rules, even though some of them go against her own personal beliefs.

So the boy had a friend staying the night. They were being crazy, so to calm them down a little I asked them to go into the boy’s room, close the door, and clean up a little because it was so messy and I knew his mom would be uber proud if he cleaned his room. They grudgingly agreed, and after a suspiciously long time my friend thought to check on them. Apparently she walked in on them both under a sheet on the bed, naked, and when she asked the boy about it he admitted that they had been touching each other.

My friend informed me that she’d dealt with this before, and that the way the mom wanted it to be done was for the boys to be separated for the rest of the night, and for us to scold her son and make sure he knows that he was behaving inappropriately, because apparently this has happened enough times before with this boy and other boys that it’s becoming a problem (in the mother’s eyes, at least.)

Apparently he’s never forced himself on anybody and there’s never been any full-on intercourse — every time it’s just been some curious, consentual touching.

I couldn’t bring myself to punish him. My friend understood and kindly took the matter upon herself, even though she didn’t want to do it either. They both sobbed for the rest of the night and said they wanted to see each other, and we both felt like shit.

So my question is — what do you think about him being punished for this? Bear in mind that the mother’s ideal punishment is actually a punishment, not simply talking to him about it. She spanks the kid with a ping-pong paddle, and I wouldn’t doubt that she’s done it for these issues in the past.

Do you guys think that it’s inappropriate for a kid that young to be experimenting with other kids as long as it’s totally consentual and in private? Do you think it’s worthy of a punishment, or at least a scolding?

Honestly, one of my biggest fears is that the boy is gay and when he grows up, he’ll look back on his babysitters punishing him for wanting to explore his sexuality as something that traumatized him. If he is gay, I would love for my friend and I to be people that he can look to for understanding amongst a very much anti-gay family. On the other hand, part of me knows that he’s not my son and I have to respect his mother’s wishes.

What are your thoughts?