“I’m Going to Rape You Later”

My best friend is a guy. He’s been my friend for over 15 years now. He’s great in many ways and I love him like a brother. I know that I can tell him anything and he’ll always be there for me. That said, he, of course, like any human being, has his problems.
I am a rape survivor. It happened just over 8 years over. He is aware of this. He was one of the first people I told. He’s tried to be there for me as much as he can but really he doesn’t know how to help and I really don’t know what I want from him other then the occasional shoulder to cry on or person to talk to about it. For the most part, he’s really great about it. But there’s one thing he does that’s just horrible:
He tells rape jokes.
They really really upset me and I’ve told him this many times. I’ve told him calmly and politely and I’ve also yelled at him about it. No matter what he doesn’t seem to “get” it and even though he says he’ll stop, he often forgets and out comes another rape “joke” a month later.
One of his favorite “jokes” is to lean in and whisper to me “I’m going to rape you later.” This sends chills down my spine for obvious reasons. I don’t know why he finds it humorous, maybe because he likes seeing my horrified reaction? I always tell him “That’s not funny and no you’re not” in a very serious tone to make sure he knows I don’t find it amusing and I’m not joking in any way. To which he usually responds something along the lines of “Well it won’t be rape if you agree to it” or something like that. I think in his mind he somehow thinks he’s giving me some sort of compliment.
Now, most of the time when he says a “joke” he’s been drinking but I still don’t buy that as an excuse, nor does that make it hurt any less. And he’s not always drunk when he says them. He always seems to fall back on the whole: “This is how I’ve always been. You’ve known me for 15 years, I can’t just change now.” Granted, it’s true that probably when I was younger I laughed at these stupid kinds of “jokes.” I wasn’t always a feminist and I wasn’t always a survivor. I was immature and stupid and didn’t understand why those kinds of “jokes” were NOT FUNNY. Even if you’re not a survivor of rape they are NOT FUNNY.
These “jokes” used to be few and far between which made them much easier to deal with. But lately, for whatever reason, they’ve become more frequent. It all came to a head this Saturday night when we were out drinking and he told one “joke” too many and we got into a huge screaming match. He was supposed to stay over at my apartment (I live in the city and he lives in the suburbs so he usually stays with me after a night of drinking in the city seeing as it’s a long, expensive cab ride home for him) but I ended up locking him out. He called me several times and I didn’t pick up and I can only assume he hopped in a cab and went home. I tried to call him yesterday but he did not answer. I assume now he’s made at me for “throwing a fit” and taking things “too seriously.”
I don’t really know what to do. Like I said, I think of him as a brother. I love him to death. I know this post makes him sound like a crappy guy and a bad friend but really he’s not in almost every other aspect of our relationship. But these “jokes” just really piss me off and I can’t take it anymore. I don’t know how to make him understand and stop. Part of me thinks that I just need to take some time away from him for a while, but that won’t help him stop telling those “jokes,” it’ll just help me not be as angry. I really want him to understand why rape isn’t at all funny and why his “jokes” are completely inappropriate. I never thought it would be so hard to get him to realize this but it is!