Not quite rape? Or is it? Confused…

*Possible Trigger*

Something has been bothering me for a while. Well, a couple somethings actually… The first thing is this: Is having sex with a drunk girl always considered rape? I ask because a while ago I went to a party with my boyfriend and got extremely trashed. I don’t remember anything about that night, but the next day was told that I had sex with my boyfriend (who wasn’t trashed like i was). At the time I was just relieved that it was my boyfriend I’d had sex with instead of a stranger, but it really bothers me that if no one had said anything to me, I would still have no idea that I had sex. I have no idea if I initiated it, or how it occurred, or where. I don’t think it’s rape, since it was with my boyfriend and I probably would have sex with him anyway, right? Or is it always rape no matter what? I’m just confused in general how to interpret this situation.

Another thing that has been bothering me, is that recently when having sex with my boyfriend, he tried to go down on me and I said no at least four times. I told him it made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want to do that. He wouldn’t take no for an answer, saying "please, just a little bit" and "come on" and pushing my hands out of the way and my legs open. Instead of continuing to argue, I just laid there and let him continue. It was very awkward and uncomfortable, but not completely traumatic. I’m not sure what to make of this either.

No one wants to think of their loved one as a rapist or a creep that can’t take no for an answer. No one wants to consider themselves a victim either. So I am not sure if I’m just making a big deal out of these situations, or if I should be making a bigger deal out of them. The latter situation bothered me a lot more than the first one. Perhaps because I made it clear that I didn’t want to participate in that particular act, but he refused to accept that. Even if it isn’t rape, it was really disrespectful and it made me feel awful afterward. It also isn’t anything really new, he constantly ‘begs’ for sex if I say no, he keeps asking or doing things to "get me in the mood" until I just give in because it is easier to lay there for 10 minutes instead of explain over and over why I am saying no… I know this is not rape because I am (reluctantly) consenting, it’s still really hurtful.

I just don’t really know what to think, and I was looking for opinions or insight.