NY Times’ Advice: Single Woman’s Gift Registry is Greedy and Tacky

Heh. A reader sent us this New York Times advice column:

Q: I’ve decided that marriage is not for me. But at 32, I’m missing the domestic “set up” that my friends received from their bridal showers. I love to cook and bake, and have so far made do with cheap appliances and tools.
I will soon be moving from an apartment to a house, and I would like to leverage this change into a housewarming that I can register for. After being in eight weddings, I feel it’s time my friends and family set me up for domesticity — even if it isn’t in the traditional mode. But the Midwestern Puritan in me thinks this may be tacky and greedy. What’s a girl to do?
– Sarah, Cleveland
A: Well, in this case, Sarah, you should thank your lucky stars for the Midwest Puritan in you — since it saved you from making a tacky, greedy fool of yourself!
We’ve all felt ill-used by friends, especially if we make the mistake of totaling up the dollar value of our unreciprocated gifts. But you’re forgetting all the other benefits of friendship: sitting through lousy movies our friends want to see, for instance, and waiting for them at busy restaurants for seeming eternities.
(emphasis mine)

This may remind some of the Sex and the City episode where Carrie registers herself for a pair of shoes, which her friend (whom Carrie had spent plenty of dough on for her wedding and new baby) reluctantly buys in congratulations of Carrie’s decision to not wed.
Many of us can probably say we’ve spent quite a pretty penny on friends’ weddings. And while I’ve given all of my gifts to friends with love and happiness in my heart, I’ve also had to scrounge – and I mean scrounge – to give some friends’ gifts. And it does become an issue when multiple weddings and bridal party’s costs can easily add up to 10K over the course of just a few years.
In short, money can matter, and sadly does. More importantly, why is it that marriage and reproduction are the only things worthy of gifts to help loved ones settle into their adult lives? These occasions are largely celebrated because they’re seen as “big moves” in one’s life. Well, buying a house is a huge commitment; shouldn’t she be celebrated and supported in her “big move”? She certainly shouldn’t be shamed as “greedy” for wanting that.

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