Opting Out of Fatherhood?

Hi Feministing!

This is my first post, and I’m really excited about finally having registered and fully being part of the community. 

I had time to register because I’m at home recovering from wisdom teeth surgery.  So I’m basically sitting here, eating lots of soup, and watching lots of quality daytime TV.  And shockingly, I found something worth blogging about on Dr. Phil.

Today’s Dr. Phil show is called "Forced to Be a Father."  Men are on the show talking about girlfriends or ex-girlfriends who had children without getting the man’s input or listening to the man’s input (in cases where he wanted her to abort the pregnancy and she refused, for ex.).  A man and his wife, who have two children of their own, are on right now talking about a child the husband unknowingly had with his ex-girlfriend.  The ex-girlfriend asked for a paternity test and child support two years after their breakup, and that was the first time he’d ever heard about the baby.  He and his wife both said that the man shouldn’t be held responsible for a choice that he didn’t make.

One of the experts, Mel Feit from the National Center for Men’s Rights, says that "DNA is not the measure of fatherhood."  He also said that he’s advocating for reproductive choice, not just women’s rights.  Reproductive choice, according to him, means that men and women have equal input in deciding whether to have or raise a child.  If the woman overrules the man’s decision and decides to have a baby when he wants her to abort, for example, he should be able (according to this expert) to opt out of fatherhood. 

My first reaction was wtf is WRONG with these people?  Especially this man’s wife who is encouraging her husband to stay out of this child’s life and supporting him in his belief that he has no responsibility for his biological child.  But, even though I think these people ought to be ashamed for being wiling to neglect a baby, it does bring up questions about reproductive choice that I hadn’t previously considered. 

Is a man automatically entitled to a say in whether a woman keeps or aborts a pregnancy?  And, if she keeps it, is he allowed to have a say in whether she raises the baby or gives the baby up for adoption?  It’s a decision being made between two people; it’s not like it can be put to a vote. And shouldn’t the decision ultimately be the woman’s, since it’s her body?

The line of argument that Mel Feit and the other guests were pushing concerns me because it emphasizes men’s rights to the point of diminishing women’s rights and women’s reproductive choice.  How is it fair to a woman or the child to allow a man to opt out of fatherhood if the woman overrules his decision?   Where do you draw the line?

I’m sure someone else out there has thought much more deeply about these issues, and knows more about what’s legal and what’s not when it comes to reproductive choice.  Please post and let me know, because I’d love to learn more.