Introducing the male chastity belt.

This is crazy.
The best part is this letter that comes with it, “Why chose chastity?” My favorite line, “Actually, it is not their fault, men constantly have their own biology bombarding them with a physical need for sexual release.” See, feminism is for men too.
I am hoping this is a joke.
UPDATE: Having read the fine print this device is intended for fantasy play. So if you want to fantasize being a repressed boy that must be controlled, this is for you. It says at the bottom of the first page, ” It must be understood that some acts discussed or depicted on the ExoBelt website on in email correspondence may be medically unsafe or harmful and that the description and discussion of and such act(s) is intended as purely anecdotal or “fantasy” material. You choose to engage in any such act(s), discussed or depicted, entirely at your own risk.”
Men get to fantasize about having their sexuality controlled, while everyone tries to control a woman’s. Funny, innit.

Join the Conversation

  • dykelawyer

    There are plenty of male chastity devices out there for the BDSM/fetish crowd – but advertising copy here suggests a satire along the lines of the .

  • BelliButton

    Anyone else think it looks like a Mason Jar?
    Anyway, it definately is ‘mainstream’ with the BDSM crowd, and the copy sort of falls along those lines to a point. However if anyone does mean it literally, God have mercy on us all, oi. That’s extra crispy stupid.

  • tinfoil hattie

    My favorite grammatical faux pas: “I agree that I am at least 18 years of age (21 in some states)”
    — in MA, I’m 21. In NJ, I’m 18. Here in VA, where I REALLY live, I’m (sigh) 47.

  • Maddy

    Like others have said, this is most likely for use in a BDSM context. If someone were actually using a chastity device against their partner’s will to control them, then I would have a problem, but there are many men and women who engage in chastity play in a loving context. They even make male chastity devices completely out of plastic so they can be worn in airports and through metal detectors.

  • cobblestonesbeach

    This is entirely a question of consent.
    Some women fantasize about having their sexuality controlled, too.
    In fact, some people fantasize about controlling their partner’s sexuality.
    It’s not a joke. It’s not crazy. It’s sexuality.
    Hurting people without their consent is probably not okay, but that’s not what this is about.
    I think we all have agency to like anything we can think of.
    Call me crazy all you want.

  • kissmypineapple

    Hurting people without their consent is probably not okay
    Yeah, probably not.

  • Sailorman

    Um, as a Dan Savage reader, I can say that this is by no means a new thing.

  • yyzian

    Needs more interior spikes.

  • meeneecat

    It looks so complicated, how does a person wear it and wouldn’t it be uncomfortable?
    Bellibutton, it does kinda look like a Mason Jar.

  • stinsonnick

    Wait… why is this filed under Sexual Assualt?

  • FemiDancer

    Sailorman: exactly! There was a letter recently about a guy whose wife was keeping him in one of these constantly and he was afraid it was going to break his penis.
    and then another one about a guy who wanted to find a woman who would put him in one of these.

  • asrai

    Y’know what is crazy? Shaming people about their sexuality. Whatever people are into in the bedroom is NO concern of yours, mine or anyone else’s. And there are too many people who are engaging in dangerous sexual activities becuase they can’t come out and say what they are into for fear of being laughed at/losing their job/losing their friends/losing their privacy.
    Let’s move on to some real issues.

  • asrai

    Y’know what is crazy? Shaming people about their sexuality and their bodies. Whatever people are into in the bedroom or with their body is NO concern of yours, mine or anyone else’s. Isn’t that part of what feminsim is about?
    And there are too many people who are engaging in dangerous sexual activities becuase they can’t come out and say what they are into for fear of being laughed at/losing their job/losing their friends/losing their privacy.
    Let’s move on to some real issues.

  • volvita

    What asrai said!

  • Maddy

    Didn’t even notice that this was categorized as “sexual assault.” That’s ridiculous. As a kinky, sex-positive feminist, I believe that anything that goes on between consenting adults who understand the risks is none of my business.
    Chastity play is not sexual assault. I can understand that many things in the world of BDSM can seem strange or “wrong” to those who are unfamiliar, but it is not anyone else’s place to say it is shameful or a joke. Feminism is about choice and if someone chooses to wear a chastity because she enjoys it, let her!

  • Baby Fem

    I agree with Asrai– this post really offends me! I understand the attack on the statement on the site (although I think it was meant tongue-in-cheek) but then let’s attack the phrase, not the fetish, and not the people who consent to participate in sex play. Furthermore, it’s not like men who “get” to have chastity fantasies because women’s sexuality is controlled. In fact, I suspect many men who do have this type of fetish/kink feel pretty marginalized in society, and may find this to be more of a burden than some sort of prize they win from the hierarchy. If it’s between consenting adults, more power to them!

  • CoasttoCoast

    Yes. Of course. A fantasy where a man gives control of his sexuality to his partner, to use at their discretion is detrimental to women. It’s so clear now.
    also, baby fem, as a man that’s into bdsm and being submissive, I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve wished that I wasn’t. marginalized doesn’t really cover how difficult it is when your sexuality earns you the label of “pervert”

  • MadelineB

    I’m not sure what else I can say except that I agree with other commenters who have pointed out that there’s nothing wrong with this device as used by consenting adults. In such a context, yes, “men get to fantasize about having their sexuality controlled,” and so can a woman if she chooses. It’s not a “joke” or evidence of sexism; it’s a fantasy.

  • lilaeden

    I’m offended by this post too, honestly. First it completely overlooks the consensual aspect of the use of this sort of thing and second, it makes it a joke. So what if men desire to wear something like that? And it’s true that women can be turned on by that sort of thing too. It may not be conventional but private consensual sexual desires aren’t a feminist issue.

  • DaveNJ17

    Nothing like listing a completely reasonable sexual act between consenting adults “sexual assault” and “masculinity” to make people feel ashamed about their sexual preferences.
    No, but seriously, I saw this add for handcuffs you can use on your partner, so i really think we need and exposé on those bad boys. False imprisonment, much?

  • ashleighlauren

    Basically, I’m really sick of getting in from both sides (no pun intended). Being kinky doesn’t make me a bad person or a bad feminist. I feel like I’m in this situation where I can’t be honest about my sexuality regardless of where I am because I’m told that I’m a whore by one segment of society while being rejected just as actively by feminists.
    Yes, my sexuality, as a woman, is controlled by the larger establishment. That is wrong. However, the choices that I make in the bedroom with other consenting adult(s) is really nobody’s damn place to judge.
    I’ve never posted a comment here before, despite having read this blog for six months or so. However, I just couldn’t keep quiet on this one. I’m removing your website from my bookmarks page.
    Kink bashing is not okay. Regardless of the fact that this particular post bashed men who enjoy a certain kink, as a kinky woman, I feel like it’s necessary to stand up and say that I’m not okay with it.
    I was 10 years old when I became a feminist, and I’ve never been ashamed to call myself that. But I am often ashamed of what other feminists say. This is one of those times. Being oppressed is no excuse for bashing someone else.
    I hate to quote Mean Girls, but “Calling someone fat won’t make you any thinner. Calling somebody stupid won’t make you smarter.” Bottom line, helping to dehumanize someone else will not make life easier for women.

  • DaveNJ17

    Ashleigh says it perfectly, except that this isn’t just bashing men. Obviously it takes two to tango, so this post is not only making fun of the man that chooses to wear this, but also the partner (many times female) who gets off on their male partner wearing this.
    “Men get to fantasize about having their sexuality controlled, while everyone tries to control a woman’s. Funny, innit.”
    What’s funny is that in this post that’s exactly what you’re doing: trying to control both male and female sexuality by setting this act apart and trying to make it seem laughable or, as this is tagged, illegal and immoral. That’s the real irony here, this post actually does try to control female sexuality, by implying that if a woman wants to be dominant and partake in this they are inherently a joke at best and a fiend at worst.

  • meeneecat

    People, if you click on the link you will see that this particular chastity belt is being advertised as:
    “Three modern day chastity devices to stop male masturbation and unwanted sexual affairs. The devices are designed using a functional exoskeleton. Hence, the devices get their name from the words “Exoskeleton” and “Chastity Belt”. The devices are hand made by an American prosthetics engineer/artist.”
    This is NOT being advertised as a fun BSDM toy to be used by two consenting adults, but as a way to stop “unwanted affairs”. And putting someone in a chastity belt because you want to stop them from having “unwanted affairs” is wrong.
    Please, read the whole post before jumping onto a reactionary statement. I do not think this post was meant to criticize kinky sex or BSDM. The post was made to criticize the advertisement of a chastity belt for the purpose of controlling a partners “unwanted masturbation or affairs”. And to force a chastity belt on a partner is totally f-ed up.

  • megan s.

    meeneecat, that writing is almost certainly intended to play upon the sexual fantasies of the people who use this toy. I wouldn’t take it as the actual intended function.

  • DaveNJ17

    So I assume that the picture of the woman in black latex gloves and a black latex bra is in no way related to kinky sex, right? Or the references to fantasy?
    Taking the fantasies portrayed on the site literally will make this product sound immoral, yes, but if you take a lot of sex fantasies and cast in the roles unwilling partners as opposed to willing ones every fantasy will sound bad.
    The “unwanted affairs” and masturbation stuff is pure fantasy, and the pictures going along with the product clearly show it’s designed for kinky sex. Don’t let your own hang-ups make you take this thing literally, meeneecat.

  • Destra

    Male chastity belts are not crazy. They’ve been around for a long, long time.
    “So if you want to fantasize being a repressed boy that must be controlled, this is for you.”
    Samhita, you sound like a lot of nut jobs in the South when they talk about women’s vibrators as dirty things that should not be around. Many people to fantasize about being controlled, men and women. It’s pretty standard in the BDSM crowd. What turns people on, turns them on without input from their brain. You should not be making sweeping judgments of people’s consensual sexual practices. If it’s not illegal, and it’s consensual, it’s all good in my book.
    Now, I don’t agree with the text- saying that men cannot control their urges. That’s a pretty sexist comment right there; it is reducing men to the level of animals that cannot control their actions.

  • MissMay12

    I’m with ashleigh. This post is awful because any feminist who identifies with BDSM culture is excluded and laughed at. Because I’m a submissive who likes to have my sexuality controlled I now feel like a freak?
    I really wouldn’t have expected this from Feministing at all.
    “You should not be making sweeping judgments of people’s consensual sexual practices.”

  • BelliButton

    Going home from work and actually clicking on the link itself, yes. This was a -massive- overreaction, and pretty insulting. I assumed (mea cupla) that it wasn’t a fetish site, but it clearly is. Frankly I think we sometimes can swing too far around on things that are kink for some people, and anazlye them into the ground. It’s simply not a big deal, and probably better to admit fault instead of turning it around into another us v. them arguement. Two consenting adults = kosher.
    But it still looks like a Mason Jar. Never saw one like this, weirdly.

  • meeneecat

    I was talking about the copy Dave, I don’t think Feministing would intentionally criticize kinky sex. That’s all I’m saying. I also agree that there’s nothing wrong with kinky sex. But I think this just happened to be a misunderstanding.

  • Baby Fem

    Meenee, misunderstanding or not, the arguments above are not about whether it was Samhita’s intention to criticize kinks– the words and tone she used was offensive to a number of people and made them feel marginalized on a site that is meant to be a “safe place.” I often like Samhita’s topics on this website, but statements like the one above, and the sweeping generalization she made previously with respect to vegans/vegetarians are not fair to some of this site’s readers. And she won’t know that she’s offended people, and won’t be able to clarify what she means if people don’t speak up. It’s perfectly OK for me and other commenters to say “Hey, this statement is not appropriate.” And I DO plan on keeping an eye open for how she responds, because that conveys a message to me about whether she respects her audience!

  • DaveNJ17

    meenee, during the *Update*, in which samhita knew explicitly the purpose of this, she ended her post with a joke about men having their sexuality controlled, and implying that men should not fantasize about having their sexuality controlled while women do have theirs controlled in many cases.
    How is that not intentionally criticizing kinky sex?

  • ThornyOrchid

    This post… wow. As a feminist and femdom, this just makes me feel more like an outsider when it comes to modern feminism. My partner is a male submissive, and though he doesn’t have a chastity fetish (thankfully for me), he feels marginalized by mainstream culture.
    So, is this post sort of representative of how kink is viewed by feministing?

  • Baby Fem

    ThornyOrchid– judging by the lack of response to the issues being raised here, I guess you have your answer. This is really disappointing, as I would like to think the authors on this site would be invested in their readers and engage in a dialog, rather than putting up a hasty viewpoint and leaving the challenges from others unaddressed. Harumph!

  • stinsonnick

    Baby Fem–
    Yes, this raises a lot of accountability questions for me. This post basically labels consensual kink as everything from “crazy” to “sexual assault”. That is insulting and offensive to a lot of feminists, both kinky and vanilla, and the vast majority of the comments reflect that. I agree those issues should be openly addressed by someone at Feministing in some form.

  • jpjesus

    The sad thing is, there are probably a lot of interesting things to say about masculinity and male chastity gadgets (are they more popular among kink communities than one’s designed for women to wear? how many women dig getting them for their men? Is such a device somehow a backlash against traditional male masculinity?), but oversimplified chastising of men (and women) who might enjoy this device is freaking *boring* at the least, and possibly harmful toward alternative sexualities. And, as often happens here, there is a severe lack of response by the author to the comments people are making. Maybe enough time hasn’t gone by to respond properly, but more likely there won’t be much of a response.

  • Nattles

    I’m also offended by this post. Samhita should know better. (Also, how did she not realize it’s a kink? Is anyone that innocent?) I’m interested to see her response to the comments, but so far it doesn’t look like she’s going to bother.
    Shame on you, Samhita. Don’t knock alternative sexuality. It may not be your thing, but it hurts no one. Please stop imitating the religious right.

  • l.short.1230

    I am astounded. Theres about four zillion interesting things to say about gender in BDSM/kink. These discussions go on all the time in that community. And the best we can do is make fun of people with a particular kink? What happened to educating yourself about a group of people before you unilaterally vilified them?

  • Maddy

    I would also like to hear a response to these comments, but it doesn’t seem like we’re going to get one.
    For anyone who’s interested, here’s a pretty good article written by a kinky feminist dealing with feeling alienated by both sides

  • Dragonclaws

    I was a little upset by the antagonistic attitude presented, and I do find myself relieved by the nature of the comments. That said, everyone here’s kind of attacking the original poster, so in Samhita’s defense, she obviously originally thought the fantasies were reality and I imagine that left a distinct flavor of repulsion even when she learned it was just kink.
    Also, this is hardly an introduction of the male chastity belt. Besides the kinky version, there were (are?) devices put on sons to keep them from masturbating – one popped up on eBay, I think, and it was featured on the blog Boing-Boing as a historical artifact from the 1800’s.

  • CoasttoCoast

    Dragon claws:
    I seem to recall hearing that circumcision was originally intended to prevent masturbation.
    That kind of scene is a hard limit for me though.

  • Mr. Sean

    I too am bothered by this post, in particular by the assertion that certain consensual sexual practices are ‘crazy.’ I do not mean to attack the original poster, only to suggest that since this post has made many folks uncomfortable that a dialog would be more helpful than the current silence that has greeted these comments.

  • DaveNJ17

    So apparently this just goes in the vault of “feminism makes a bad statement about male sexuality”. No response from samhita I guess, which really is a response if you think about it.
    I can only hope there won’t be similar silence in the future if this site decides to chastise people about their sexuality.

  • CanIbeafeministtoo?

    Sadly, Samhita’s posts do not reflect the generally high quality of discussion here — this is not the first time she has posted first and asked questions later (anyone else remember the Photoshopped KFC sign she posted?). I wish she’d had the courage to respond — even to disagree — in this forum, better yet the journalistic integrity to do a little research before posting to a site that so many people, including myself, look to for insight into feminist thought. Much as she is not the best thing about Feministing, I don’t want to believe that she’s just another bigot.

  • Tom Allen

    I just felt compelled to add a little to this discussion.
    Chastity devices like the Exo and the line of CBx000. have been around for at least a dozen years. They are plastic devices and easily broken, so any “non-consensuality” is really more about appearances (i.e., role playing) than anything else.
    Many people in the chastity and orgasm denial community (yes, there really is one. Sort of.) talk about these devices using some of the terms that was in the original post: that men have a different biology, that they need control, that they aren’t responsible, etc. I suspect that this is done mainly to play up the mythology so that they can justify their desire for control. Like many BDSM or D/s relationships, though, the rules and underlying sense of need for punishment and correction are usually in place in order to create a heightened sense of drama.
    Most “vanilla” couples use them simply as a way to add a little spice to their love life. They may have a slightly higher usage in the gay community, mainly among those who dabble in kink or BDSM.

  • chronostatic

    Original author is out of her league and over her head with this article.
    We hope that feministing can be more sex-positive, open and forward looking in the future.
    As a male feminist, I have to wonder how discourse gets so man-centric sometimes?

  • lockedbear

    i am a male and ware a locked devise for orgasm denial. i like the control and am always horny and ready to please my partner. it’s removed once a week for cleaning and maybe i get to cum too.
    we are not a bdsm couple.