Abstain from sex; win fries

There’s nothing like a good old-fashioned abstinence essay contest.
The fourth annual abstinence essay contest held by the Wayne County Health Department in North Carolina announced its winners recently.
In addition to small scholarships and gift certificates to the local mall, students also received “a t-shirt, abstinence bracelet, and gift certificate from McDonalds.� Can I get oral with that? (Sorry, couldn’t help myself.)
The first place winner, 17 year-old Brandy Hardison, is the current Miss Teen Heartland.

“Dad made me do it. I’m glad he made me do it,” she said. In her entry, she said she keeps a picture of her parents in her head and lives by the cliché, “your body is a temple.”

Living by a cliché is scary enough. But “Dad made me do it?� What is it with these abstinence folks and their Daddy issues? In any case, I know I’m cruel to poke fun. It’s just when I read Hardison’s winning essay, I thought this excerpt was simply brilliant:

I view my virginity as a gift to my future husband. I don’t know him yet, but I know he’s going to be deserving of my love and for my waiting for him…. and all those punk guys I dated in high school will not come close in comparison.

Love it.