Posts Tagged Relationships

Scandal and respectability politics: Olivia Pope is not setting her race or gender back by having an affair

Popular reactions to Olivia Pope’s extramarital affair with white president Fitzgerald Grant reveal the (internal and external) racism of respectability politics and a sentiment of entitlement and control towards women of color’s sexuality.

Popular reactions to Olivia Pope’s extramarital affair with white president Fitzgerald Grant reveal the (internal and external) racism of respectability politics and a sentiment of entitlement and control towards women of color’s sexuality.

Girlfriend or “no” friend: Platonic relationships and sexist tropes

 

Platonic relationships between women have always been “suspect” in the general opinion. We can look back as far as the Salem witch trials, for example, to see exactly how dangerous it was in America for women to build sustainable relationships with one another without the supervision of men. Back then, women who were single, financially independent, involved in midwifery or other medical practices and/or spent too much time with other women were accused – and sometimes tried and convicted – of witchcraft. Even today, the myth persists that women are somehow not able to maintain healthy relationships (an idea that is fueled by the onslaught of reality television shows that show women hating each other). And if women have close ...

 

Platonic relationships between women have always been “suspect” in the general opinion. We can look back as far as the Salem witch trials, for example, to see exactly how dangerous it was in America for women to ...

Polyamory: we’re not doing it wrong

I’m 25, and I identify as polyamorous. It’s an important identity for me because it helps me deconstruct and contextualize the relationships I’ve had in the past, and acknowledge the relationships that I currently have. A recent title by Julie Bindel, “Rebranding polyamory does women no favors”, caught my attention. It was a well informed piece that successfully conveyed Bindel’s skepticism with the practice’s newfound popularity. But as  a young person, among other things, I had some serious issues.

Bindel makes her point early on when she asserts:

“…the co-opting and rebranding of polygamy, so that it loses its nasty association with the oppression of the most disadvantaged women, is as irresponsible as suggesting that because some women chose to ...

I’m 25, and I identify as polyamorous. It’s an important identity for me because it helps me deconstruct and contextualize the relationships I’ve had in the past, and acknowledge the relationships that I currently have. A recent ...

Quick hit: picking women up without putting them down

In response to all the “pickup artist” and “seduction” talk that’s going on in the wake of that super rapey Kickstarter project, I’ve written a piece at Thought Catalog about how guys can talk to other human beings – which is what women are – without being a negging, sexist ass. My first piece of advice? Don’t listen to pickup artists. A few more pointers:

Treat them the way you’d want to be treated. Sorry to go all Jesus on you, but pickup artists have left me no choice. They’re all about manipulating women into trusting you, and capitalizing on their various weaknesses (physical, emotional, social) to get them into bed. Something tells me you’d hate it ...

In response to all the “pickup artist” and “seduction” talk that’s going on in the wake of that super rapey Kickstarter project, I’ve written a piece at Thought Catalog about how guys can talk to ...

Quick Hit: Why do men keep putting me in the girlfriend-zone?

I love this brilliant reversal of all the Nice Guy whining about the how terrible the friend-zone is. It really gets to the heart of why I think complaints about the friend-zone are just so obnoxious. Even more than the sense of entitlement–that men are owed sex or a relationship for being “good guys”–it’s the idea that a real friendship with a woman couldn’t possibly be valuable in and of itself. Obviously, unreciprocated feelings always suck, but that is just straight-up sexist.

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite ...

I love this brilliant reversal of all the Nice Guy whining about the how terrible the friend-zone is. It really gets to the heart of why I think complaints about the friend-zone are just ...

Ten reasons 30 isn’t the new 20 (apparently)

You may have heard that, since people are living longer, and marrying, having kids, and establishing their careers later in life, 30 is the new 20. But, according to pyschologist Meg Jay, who “specializes” in 20-somethings, 30 is just 30. It is most definitely NOT the new 20. So, 30 year-olds who are unmarried….be afraid… be very afraid.

Jay recently gave a talk at TED–the nonprofit dedicated to “ideas worth spreading,” so brilliantly satirized by the Onion–which I listened to so you don’t have to. I will now present the top 10 highlights of this speech, my reaction as a member of the demographic (I’m 31) thoroughly shat upon by its deliverer, ...

You may have heard that, since people are living longer, and marrying, having kids, and establishing their careers later in life, 30 is the new 20. But, according to pyschologist Meg Jay, who “specializes” in 20Read More

(Day After) Wednesday Weigh-In: Dating While Feminist

Dating seems to be on everyone’s minds lately. Perhaps it’s part of the new year, new me, new boo energy still lingering in the air. Even here at Feministing we’ve been talking about “Crazy Blind Dates” and the challenges to Darwin’s dating ideas. And much of what I hear about dating in hip hop revolves around Christian Louboutins. All of this is wonderful, for someone who isn’t me.

To put it simply, dating while feminist, black, queer, polyamorous, broke, and loud means not dating, kind of. I find that people who compliment any one of those traits too well completely fail in regards to the others. Thinking about feminism specifically, I’ve found that it’s cute and sexy to ...

Dating seems to be on everyone’s minds lately. Perhaps it’s part of the new year, new me, new boo energy still lingering in the air. Even here at Feministing we’ve been talking about “Crazy Blind ...

Monday morning awesome: relationship advice from a Feministing reader

Danya Ensing is a 19-year-old student at the Ontario College of Art and Design in Toronto, and a Feministing reader. Last week, she posted this video over on the Community blog, and I thought it was so great that I wanted all our readers to watch it.

Danya didn’t realize she was a feminist until a few years ago, but once she did, she started seeing gender everywhere. “What got me really interested in feminism was the way I felt as a single, young woman when I moved to Toronto. I noticed in a big city the way that men looked at women (myself included) on the street, the comments that were sometimes made, and overall the way that I, ...

Danya Ensing is a 19-year-old student at the Ontario College of Art and Design in Toronto, and a Feministing reader. Last week, she posted this video over on the Community blog, and I thought it was ...

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