Posts Tagged Relationships

“Check your bitch,” side chicks, and dehumanizing other women

So I finally forced myself to catch up on Vh1’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. It was quite the task and left me grateful for the healthy relationships that I’m involved in. At the very least, I can write pieces like this with at least a little bit of authority. And good thing for me, the show never disappoints with the amount of problematic gender and relationship content to dissect.

Three seasons in, it’s safe to say that the show is pretty predictable. There hasn’t been a single episode that didn’t involve women in conflict over a mutual (male) love interest. While the smallest gesture or an inaudible shot fired can send female cast members into violent rages (that often involve ...

So I finally forced myself to catch up on Vh1’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. It was quite the task and left me grateful for the healthy relationships that I’m involved in. At the very least, I ...

screenshot of Lori Gottlieb's NYT magazine piece

Does a more equal marriage mean less sex? 5 alternative theories

Lori Gottlieb had a piece in the New York Times Magazine this weekend called “Does A More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?” By “equal marriage,” she means that “both spouses work and take care of the house and that the relationship is built on equal power, shared interests and friendship.” And aside from a few rather offensive generalizations about queer couples, she seems to mainly be talking about heterosexual relationships. The fact that her evidence is drawn mostly from anecdotes about her peers and her marriage therapy patients suggests they are mostly upper-middle class couples. Her answer to the question posed in the headline (which was surely written to make feminists like me click–ya ...

Lori Gottlieb had a piece in the New York Times Magazine this weekend called “Does A More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?” By “equal marriage,” she means that “both spouses ...

On texting, boundaries, and consent

A few months ago, I received a Kickstarter perk for being a contributor to FORCE’s fundraising campaign. As someone deeply passionate about feminist, anti-sexual violence efforts, I was proud to be a supporter and was excited to not only get my perk, but to also share it with others in hopes to spread the word about an organization that does admirable work. While I was excited, I do remember having a small bit of hesitation sharing an image of the perk — it is underwear, after all – but I felt that the people in my networks would see why I would share this photo, so I did. In short, I felt safe in doing so. Unfortunately, I ...

A few months ago, I received a Kickstarter perk for being a contributor to FORCE’s fundraising campaign. As someone deeply passionate about feminist, anti-sexual violence efforts, I was proud to be a supporter and was excited ...

Scandal and respectability politics: Olivia Pope is not setting her race or gender back by having an affair

Popular reactions to Olivia Pope’s extramarital affair with white president Fitzgerald Grant reveal the (internal and external) racism of respectability politics and a sentiment of entitlement and control towards women of color’s sexuality.

Popular reactions to Olivia Pope’s extramarital affair with white president Fitzgerald Grant reveal the (internal and external) racism of respectability politics and a sentiment of entitlement and control towards women of color’s sexuality.

Girlfriend or “no” friend: Platonic relationships and sexist tropes

 

Platonic relationships between women have always been “suspect” in the general opinion. We can look back as far as the Salem witch trials, for example, to see exactly how dangerous it was in America for women to build sustainable relationships with one another without the supervision of men. Back then, women who were single, financially independent, involved in midwifery or other medical practices and/or spent too much time with other women were accused – and sometimes tried and convicted – of witchcraft. Even today, the myth persists that women are somehow not able to maintain healthy relationships (an idea that is fueled by the onslaught of reality television shows that show women hating each other). And if women have close ...

 

Platonic relationships between women have always been “suspect” in the general opinion. We can look back as far as the Salem witch trials, for example, to see exactly how dangerous it was in America for women to ...

Polyamory: we’re not doing it wrong

I’m 25, and I identify as polyamorous. It’s an important identity for me because it helps me deconstruct and contextualize the relationships I’ve had in the past, and acknowledge the relationships that I currently have. A recent title by Julie Bindel, “Rebranding polyamory does women no favors”, caught my attention. It was a well informed piece that successfully conveyed Bindel’s skepticism with the practice’s newfound popularity. But as  a young person, among other things, I had some serious issues.

Bindel makes her point early on when she asserts:

“…the co-opting and rebranding of polygamy, so that it loses its nasty association with the oppression of the most disadvantaged women, is as irresponsible as suggesting that because some women chose to ...

I’m 25, and I identify as polyamorous. It’s an important identity for me because it helps me deconstruct and contextualize the relationships I’ve had in the past, and acknowledge the relationships that I currently have. A recent ...

Quick hit: picking women up without putting them down

In response to all the “pickup artist” and “seduction” talk that’s going on in the wake of that super rapey Kickstarter project, I’ve written a piece at Thought Catalog about how guys can talk to other human beings – which is what women are – without being a negging, sexist ass. My first piece of advice? Don’t listen to pickup artists. A few more pointers:

Treat them the way you’d want to be treated. Sorry to go all Jesus on you, but pickup artists have left me no choice. They’re all about manipulating women into trusting you, and capitalizing on their various weaknesses (physical, emotional, social) to get them into bed. Something tells me you’d hate it ...

In response to all the “pickup artist” and “seduction” talk that’s going on in the wake of that super rapey Kickstarter project, I’ve written a piece at Thought Catalog about how guys can talk to ...

Quick Hit: Why do men keep putting me in the girlfriend-zone?

I love this brilliant reversal of all the Nice Guy whining about the how terrible the friend-zone is. It really gets to the heart of why I think complaints about the friend-zone are just so obnoxious. Even more than the sense of entitlement–that men are owed sex or a relationship for being “good guys”–it’s the idea that a real friendship with a woman couldn’t possibly be valuable in and of itself. Obviously, unreciprocated feelings always suck, but that is just straight-up sexist.

You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite ...

I love this brilliant reversal of all the Nice Guy whining about the how terrible the friend-zone is. It really gets to the heart of why I think complaints about the friend-zone are just ...

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