Magical rape, bad satire, and lame excuses

Most people today would claim that rape is a terrible crime almost akin to murder, but I strongly disagree. Far from a vile act, rape is a magical experience that benifits society as a whole. I realize many of you will disagree with this thesis, but lend me your ears and I’m sure I’ll sway you towards a darkened alley.
…Rapes glorious advantages are not, however, exclusively found from 2,000 year old examples. In actuality rape advantages can very much be seen today. Take ugly women for example. If it weren’t for rape, how would they ever know the joys of intercourse with a man who isn’t drunk? In a society as plastic-conscious as our own, are we really to believe that some man would ever sleep with a girl resembling a wildebeest if he didn’t have a few schnapps in him? Of course he wouldn’t–at least no self-respecting man would–but there in lies the beauty of rape. No self respecting man would rape in the first place, so ugly women are guaranteed a romp with not only a sober man, but a bad boy too; and we all know how much ladies like the bad boy.

Cute huh? Naturally after the folks on campus and elsewhere expressed some very warranted outrage, writer John Petroski and The Recorder‘s Editor-in-Chief Mark Rowan said that the piece was meant to be satirical.
You know, I would be more inclined to believe this if it wasn’t for other opinion pieces Petroski has written that show a clear disdain for women. Feministe dug up a piece called “Abortion: A Father’s Take,” where Petroski writes that women don’t have any right to control their bodies and women’s “right to privacy should not overrule a father’s right to see his child live.” He goes on to note that “women have a completely unfair and unreasonable stranglehold on the fate of a father’s unborn child.” Uh huh.
And even if this piece was meant to be satirical (cause rape is SO funny), it just plain sucked. It’s possible to write satirical articles about serious issues without being a total asswipe. Case in point: The Onion‘s “I’m Totally Psyched About This Abortion!”
Both Petroski and Rowan have issued apologies, but kind of lame ones where they complain about the protests against the article.
File this under: assholes who just don’t get it and probably never will.
Via MilbyDaniel.