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Another Step In A Long Journey

After being deservedly taken to task for my admission of some major faults , I wondered what I could possibly do next. 

I’d like to apologize for it.  The audience I assumed for it was homogenously modeled after myself; in my attempt to do some good, I did the exact opposite by saying things that no one should have to hear.  But I don’t expect an apology to be enough.  Because it’s not.  Hopefully I can amend my behavior satisfactorily in the future.

A major clue as to what my be better came in the form of Restructure!’s post, Declaring your anti-racist intentions may make you more racist

When I took a good look at myself, I knew that Restructure! was right.  It is easy for me to claim a pro-justice identity – and to think that I’m acting on it just because I claim it.  It’s not so easy to actually live a pro-justice life. 

I Am A Racist, Sexist, Ableist, Sizist, Homophobe, Heterosexist, etc…

I love the blogosphere, particularly the lefty and feminist ones.  It helped me survive the adjustment to my new (very conservative) region over the past 6 years.  It gave me a sense of community when I didn’t have any in my real life and has provided me invaluable information that I used to be able to find by picking up the free anarchist newspapers at one of my local coffee shops.

But it can really grate on my nerves sometimes too – the biggest problem being, in my eyes, a sense of self-righteousness.

Because we (yes, I include myself.  I would be dishonest if I didn’t) like to jump on anyone who displays a trait we don’t like, any of ...

I love the blogosphere, particularly the lefty and feminist ones.  It helped me survive the adjustment to my new (very conservative) region over the past 6 years.  It gave me a sense of community when I didn’t ...

Dear Greeting Card Companies

Dear greeting card companies,

Mother’s Day is supposed to be a celebration of our mothers.  Instead, for me, each year is a study in angst inspired in large part by your total ignorance of a variety of mothers, mothering styles, and family compositions. 

First of all, I have multiple mothers.  They know about each other.  Even if they didn’t know about each other, I wouldn’t send a card that said “you’re the best mother in the world” because I don’t play favorites.  I appreciate each of them for the contribution they made, and continue to make, to my life.

Second, the contribution they made to my life was not a permanent role in it.  The cards that actually detail the ...

Dear greeting card companies,

Mother’s Day is supposed to be a celebration of our mothers.  Instead, for me, each year is a study in angst inspired in large part by your total ignorance of a variety of mothers, ...

Sometimes We Just Need Someone To Tell Us We’re Not Crazy

Sometimes we just need someone to tell us we’re not crazy, that whatever is making us think we might be crazy is extraneous and probably wrong.

This is one of those times for me.

For the past few months, I’ve been noticing how hard it is for me to catch my breath after walking up even the smallest flight of stairs.  Sometimes, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night with my heart beating wildly for no apparent reason.  And just last night, I was trying to talk and walk briskly at the same time but found myself having to stop talking just to breathe. 

I’ve had some other health issues recently that aren’t really resolved, too, including a newly-discovered heart murmer ...

Sometimes we just need someone to tell us we’re not crazy, that whatever is making us think we might be crazy is extraneous and probably wrong.

This is one of those times for me.

For the past few months, ...

The Positive Side of Privilege

In reading Okra’s recent post about the word "privilege" , I realized that we (feminists, humanists, anti-racists, people who believe in equality even if it hurts) often talk about the negative side of privilege, the blindness that many of us have to our own and what it means to take responsibility for it.

But I don’t remember ever seeing a post on the positive side of acknowledging our privilege.

I suppose, as those of us with privilege knock down our own protective self-awareness obstacles, it is easiest to see how hard it is.  Realizing privilege is a huge and difficult step.  Being able to recognize it in action and stop it if we can is even harder.  Knowing our ...

In reading Okra’s recent post about the word "privilege" , I realized that we (feminists, humanists, anti-racists, people who believe in equality even if it hurts) often talk about the negative side of privilege, the blindness ...

Say What You Mean

My husband and I had an argument last night.  It was nothing serious, one of those silly ones that we’ll sooner forget than anything, but in reading and commenting on Courtney’s post about cohabitation issues today, I realized that it represented the hand of society toying in some small part with our individual relationship.

The whole thing was a misunderstanding, a moment where ManPants thought I was trying to say something without actually saying it.

After 6 years of marriage, it amazed me to think that he couldn’t recognize a moment when I was being completely honest, with no subtext to read.  To be completely fair to him, I am often unintentionally vague about what I want, and have ...

My husband and I had an argument last night.  It was nothing serious, one of those silly ones that we’ll sooner forget than anything, but in reading and commenting on Courtney’s post about cohabitation issues today, ...

Ranting At Ghosts

At my graduation party last month, I was shocked and insulted.

While opening all of the cards and presents that my family had given me, a cousin-in-law blurted out, "So when is the baby due?"

My first reaction was, "Huh?"

She repeated it.

Should I laugh it off, like I’m supposed to?

But I didn’t want to laugh it off.  I wanted to say, "Thanks for marring an otherwise perfect day with your stupid little joke."  I wanted to say whatever mean thing I could think of to shock and hurt her the way she had just shocked and hurt me.

I smiled weakly.

Because the thought chasing on the heels of my initial violently-pissed-off reaction was, she didn’t ...

At my graduation party last month, I was shocked and insulted.

While opening all of the cards and presents that my family had given me, a cousin-in-law blurted out, "So when is the baby due?"

My first ...

Gynecology Secrets

I found these yesterday and thought I should share them, since the very idea of secrets in gynecology seems so wrong.  Everyone should know everything she can about her body.

Gynecology Secrets You Need to Know

Personally, the only one I knew was the first one, though I’d like to think that I could have deduced "Secret #5" on my own.

#6 reminds me of the time I contracted bacterial vaginosis .  Though no one is sure what causes it, I’m convinced it was the 11 hour plane ride (almost all of which I was seated) in non-cotton underwear, since I left home fine and arrived in Sweden with a malodorous discharge. 

Also, I wish they ...

I found these yesterday and thought I should share them, since the very idea of secrets in gynecology seems so wrong.  Everyone should know everything she can about her body.

Gynecology Secrets You Need to Know ...

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