Tiffany

For various reasons, abusive relationships have been on my mind lately (none of these reasons have to do with my current relationship, just by-the-by). What kicked it off, I suppose, were those horrifying audio recordings of Mel Gibson screaming at his ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva (who is actually a stellar singer/songwriter). For every three or four comments I see expressing shock that Mel Gibson, “that guy who totally starred in a movie called What Women Want!!!”, I see one saying that Oksana is just a gold-digger, and knew what she was doing staying in a relationship like that, and she must have chosen to subject herself to that abuse, and in that sense, brought it on herself, and so she should share the blame, and she probably provoked Gibson into popping her in the face while she was holding their daughter in her arms, etc. etc. etc.. Oh, and here’s one particular gem from a commenter on a gossip site: “Nobody gold digs like a Russian woman.”

I see how those people think, I do. I know that, from an outsider’s perspective, it’s very easy to say, “She’s an adult, she could have just walked away. She must have stayed for ulterior motives.”

The fact of the matter is, unless you have been in an abusive relationship yourself (and while I’m specifically talking about romantic relationships here, growing up with an abuser in your family is certainly a good parallel. That will make you more likely ...