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By sunset • 12 years ago

Abuse through the laws meant to protect?

A few months ago, I had someone accuse me of stalking. We were both students at a small school; we lived in the same dorm. We had been part of the same circle of friends. He had the campus police order me to not contact him and had the actual police call and threaten to arrest me. The phone call to the police happened after he found out I had told some other people about his behavior. In both cases I complained that this system was being used to harass me, to no effect.

He presented proof consisting of ambiguous text messages which were interpreted as threats, and evidence that I had been following him around (all of which were activities our group as a whole was involved in). He further attempted to use my mental health problems and the fact that I had taken a year of medical leave from school as proof that I was dangerous and unstable. All of this was taken at face value, and I was actively prevented from attempting to find out any more information that would provide counter-evidence. Some of my friends were advised to avoid me lest they also get into trouble. He was allowed to post explicitly false defamatory statements about me, while I was informed that any public statement about the order or events would result in further trouble.

Why ...
By sunset • 13 years ago

Thin Privilege and Misogyny

Thin privilege sort of exists in this weird space.  Because it’s so tied up in the cultural definition of femininity.  Not that men can’t have thin privilege…but it’s not nearly the same.  It always seemed to me to be a sort of backhanded privilege, a reward for staying in your place and not trying to demand real privilege.

Most of you have read this study.  Women are rewarded for being thin in a way men aren’t.  We’ve seen this plenty of times; attractiveness is a much bigger issue for women than for men by an order of magnitude.  Now there’s no question here that thin women do better in the world than ...

Thin privilege sort of exists in this weird space.  Because it’s so tied up in the cultural definition of femininity.  Not that men can’t have thin privilege…but it’s not nearly the same.  It always seemed ...
By sunset • 13 years ago

Health and “Mental Health”

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Is there anyone here who still believes that? We have all been educated by now in how name-calling can hurt. Or have we?

I quit dealing with the music department at school for my health. Which is a decision everyone seems to be fine with, until they find out that I’m talking about mental health. At which point the objections begin. I have been instructed, repeatedly, to “not let this get to you.” Told that by doing this, I am “letting him win.” Been informed that my avoidance is a clear sign that I am not ...

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Is there anyone here who still believes that? We have all been educated by now in how name-calling ...
By sunset • 13 years ago

A normal day

Just another normal day. I get to work at 8am. It’s standard retail work, shelving product at a chain store. Work for 2 hours, take my first 15 minute break in the breakroom to get some coffee. Sit down in the breakroom at a table with 2 coworkers, both female. Somewhere middle of our conversation I get told to be careful around one of my male coworkers, because he has a tendency to proposition female employees. Somehow this doesn’t surprise me. Go back to work. Lunch. Back to work. Put some product out on the shelves. Hear a whistle behind me. A man tells me “don’t worry I whistle at all the girls.” He continues to engage me in conversation, ...

Just another normal day. I get to work at 8am. It’s standard retail work, shelving product at a chain store. Work for 2 hours, take my first 15 minute break in the breakroom to get some coffee. ...
By sunset • 13 years ago

Women, “health”, and the beauty standard

*Note: possible eating disorder related trigger

So I’ve been thinking a lot about how much of women’s “health” is aimed at things other than, you know, actual health. I speak here, personally, as a young, fairly thin woman. Not fashion model material, but measuring as the so-vaunted hourglass figure. I also speak as someone who has watched a mother gain weight from medicine, and the aftermath of that.

To start, a few personal stories. At one point, I basically stopped eating. I was having solid food once every three days or so. A number of people complimented me, told me how good I looked, how wonderful it was that I had managed ...

*Note: possible eating disorder related trigger

So I’ve been thinking a lot about how much of women’s “health” is aimed at things other than, you know, actual health. I speak here, personally, as a young, fairly thin ...
By sunset • 13 years ago

Why Masculinity matters to Feminism

(Cross-posting from my new blog College Feminist.)

Yes, I know, we’ve all heard the “what about the menz?” posts one too many times.  But, really, the social concept of masculinity ought to be a feminist issue.  Let’s look at what the masculine man entails. 

(1) The man is the financial provider.  That means that if his wife out-earns him, he has somehow failed in the performance of masculinity.  Therefore, a high-earning female (or any female who desires a career) is “emasculating.”

(2) All men are up for sex at all times, and spend their time thinking about sex.  I’m not sure I even need to spell out the problems here.  Failure to perform adequately as a (hetero)sexual man is severely stigmatized.  ...

(Cross-posting from my new blog College Feminist.)

Yes, I know, we’ve all heard the “what about the menz?” posts one too many times.  But, really, the social concept of masculinity ought to be a feminist issue.  Let’s ...
By sunset • 13 years ago

Sexual Assault and Young Women: healing as a dependent child

We all are aware that healing from sexual assault is a long, difficult process.  I have noticed however, that there are several specific barriers facing teenage/young adult victims who are still dependent on their caretakers’ support.  I would like to highlight a few and ask the community what could be done.

(1) Access to healthcare is mediated by various authorities that may not be sympathetic.  Lacking personal funding and transportation makes it near impossible to obtain appropriate care on your own.  Alternately, young women may be forced to submit to unwanted medical intervention from insensitive practitioners.

(2) An adult’s word is often taken over that of the young woman.  This extends well past reporting of the assault itself.  A young woman’s struggles ...

We all are aware that healing from sexual assault is a long, difficult process.  I have noticed however, that there are several specific barriers facing teenage/young adult victims who are still dependent on their caretakers’ support.  I ...

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