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What do you think caused your heterosexuality?: questioning questioning

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?: flipping the question, confusing the answer and questioning questioning

I’ve nothing against heterosexuals per se, but I don’t understand why they have to go about rubbing everyone’s noses in their life choices and aggressive counterculture – just last night, I noticed a couple of TV channels were only showing their sort of stuff. Not major channels or anything, only like BBC1, BBC2, BBC3, ITV1, ITV2, ITV3, ITV4, Channel 4, E4, More4, Channel 5, 5USA, Fox, Sky Living, Sky Atlantic and Dave. I wasn’t too bothered about Dave, but that’s not the point.

However, I pride myself on being open-minded and very much a ‘people person’, so I decided it was time to switch off the TV and meet some heterosexuals for myself.

But how to approach these people? That really got me stewing. Luckily, I came across Martin Rochlin’s heterosexual questionnaire (1972). Phew!

After all, questioning is always absolutely impartial. And it’s not like we have search engines or there’s already a lot of pretty accessible and thought-provoking stuff online or in print. No, what I needed was to find a single representative willing to talk.

So a friend of mine put me in touch with all-out total straight gal Lucy (what a straight-sounding name! Did her parents know when she was born, or perhaps they’re the reason?) to give me an insider’s view on being a hetero.

She wasn’t very forthcoming, which confused me. I would ...