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Barbies will ruin my future daughter’s life, and here’s why

Last week I made a somewhat precocious decision: at 22, with no prospect of getting married or pregnant in the near future, I decided that I will never buy my future daughter a Barbie. I am sure she will beg for one, and I will allow that real parents might say I don’t know what I am talking about (and maybe I don’t), but I just won’t buy a Barbie. And I’ll tell you why.

1)      A real life Barbie would have size 2 feet. She would have creepy toddler feet and my daughter would want that for herself. My daughter would be self-conscious about the size of her feet FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE. She would always find herself hiding her feet that look like duck feet in comparison to Barbie’s pathetic little feet. Barbie feet are so small that if she was a real person she would actually have to move around on all fours.

2)      Pink overload. Seriously, what the hell? Why is 80% of Barbie’s wardrobe pink?  Her house is also pink. And her car. And most of her shoes and her lipstick. Why doesn’t she get sick of the colour pink? I bet if she was a real person you would see her in one of those shows about compulsive people who collect weird things. She would be a hoarder of pink things. Psycho.

3)      Complete disregard for STRANGER DANGER. Right, so 90% of Barbie’s world’s male population is called ...

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