Erin Wheeler

While on vacation recently with a good friend, I asked an intelligent and thoughtful guy we’d recently met if he would think less of a woman if she had sex with him on the first date.  Without hesitation he responded, “I expect [women] to make me work for it.”

While I wish I could say I was surprised, I really wasn’t. His response reminded me of the advice I’d received as a teen about avoiding a “reputation” and validated the dating strategy I used through my 20s.  I tried to follow certain rules that I thought would convey the right image of myself to help me find the right guy, mainly:

Wait for him to ask me out. Don’t have sex on the first date. Don’t call him, let him call you.

I’m certainly not alone.  I have had countless conversations with friends about the right dating strategies for women and more than a few about strategies for men.  If my (admittedly non-representative) peer group is any indication, the general rules listed above still govern many women’s behavior, even among the most liberal and gender-conscious.  Of course, the traditional dating paradigm of a guy asking a girl out to dinner and a movie doesn’t really reflect the dating reality anymore, particularly among younger people.  The oft-lamented “hook-up” culture, whether you like it or not, is a particularly important part of dating in college and even in adulthood.  Meeting people online as opposed to in a bar is commonplace, ...